Befuddled, Bemused, Betrayed

Betrayal is such an ugly word, What's worse is that it's an ugly act. We've all been betrayed at one time or another, but when it's done by people that profess to care for you, it sticks like a bone in your craw.

I've been betrayed by my Dad over and over again. My mom, well the verdict is still out on that one. My one time best friend, Mark. Past lovers. At times it seems like the list is endless. I can count on one hand the people I've had in my life that was always there for me, whom I felt would never betray me, and didn't.

Without these people, I feel like a rudderless catamaran adrift at sea. Friends that I thought would stand up for me, when the heat was on, stood by silent. Even when attacked by a known person of dislike and distrust, everyone that I had ever backed in an argument with this person, stood silent.

You would think that I would learn. Learn not to expect anything from anyone, but see I had a small taste of it. That unconditional love from two people in my life and that spoiled me. Right or wrong of it, they were always there for me. One being my Grammy, and the other being her daughter. Two people that if I called at any time day or night, would come a running. Both of them are gone now and one of the hardest things for me is not having them when the chips are down.

I was brought up to believe that everyone has an agenda. You just have to figure out what it is, and if it's too harmful for you to be around. If it's only mildly toxic and you like that person, then you put up with it. To me, the test of friendship is when someone can stand up and publicly say, "I have your back", I have this in Jer. Many of times in the 18 plus years that I have known her, she has been there for me, and I for her. We've had brief moments in time when we had to separate, but we've always found one another again. This time around, I'm not squandering my time without her.

And I think this is the biggest lesson of all. When you find someone/s that will always have your back, you hold on to them for dear life, because this is what life is all about, the circle of friends. Your family of choice.

My hope for everyone is that they have found their family of choice and are living the good life.