Damn you woman!

Have you watched Family Guy? You know the voice of Stewie? Well picture that coming from our cat, Atticus. Yes the pyromania kitty, that's the one I speak of. Why the voice you ask, I'll get to that.

This morning, mother nature graced us with a wonderful blanket of snow. Enough to make everything look beautiful. Wyatt hopped like a little snow bunny throughout his morning romp. Atticus, well...Atticus, the little grey bundle of moroseness, sat on our porch screaming his little lungs out. He did not like the snow, oh no, not one little bit.

Now remember, this is the little guy, when his Mama flew to the east coast two years ago, thought I had taken his beloved Mama out somewhere and had her done away with. He wandered our house pitifully crying out for her. Finally realizing that she would not answer him, he slunk into my lap, and settled. Yes he settled, just like a Cubs fan settles for last place, I was his last resort. I think that's when he started to take on the personality of Stewie.

It was subtle at first. Him, playfully grabbing at my shoe laces, innocently watches as I trip. Lying across the top of the staircase, while I'm carrying one of the iMacs downstairs. Fine thanks, but the mac, not so much. I started to notice the escalation, like when he knocked the candles over and tried to burn the house down. Now granted, I realize that his Mama was there for that, but I think he thought that she was smart of enough to know to get out of the house, but was betting the ponies that I was too dumb to figure it out.

This morning though, all his veiled attempts of concealing his contempt for me, flew away, much like his voice echoing off that dreaded snow. As I approached the front porch, his voice grew much clearer and I heard the Stewie inflection to his words,

"Die damn you woman, DIE!"

I'm now searching his belongings for the cross stitch that has that saying. I'm sure it's here somewhere...Just in case I can't prove that my own cat is trying to kill me, I've beefed up the life insurance policy, the double indemnity clause that pays double on accidental death. I'm sure in Atty's little mind, he and his Mama will be very happy living off that.