It's been a long long time

It's been a year since I've posted. A year long depression that I couldn't pull myself out of. The move threw me into such a tailspin that I haven't been able to find myself again. There's a line by Lifehouse, in their song Storm, that says I've been just below the surface, and that's the way it has felt. I view everything through murky waters.

This view has accomplished nothing for me. I have hurt so many in my path to self destruction that I don't know if I'll ever be able to repair those bridges, but I'm going to try. I know that first of all I need to fix me. To find myself again, I do need the help of others. Rereading that line just sent a jolt through me. I've never needed anyone, or so I thought. The now me, recognizes that I do need people, that I do need my friends, my family of choice, and yes even my flesh and blood family.

I want to change, need to change, just to survive and be happy.
I am so scared that I've screwed up so much in my life that I won't be able to fix anything, but by god I am sure as hell gonna try.