The Adventures of Puppyman

Living life

2009-04-24T07:07:00.000-07:00

Living life like I'm going to die tomorrow.

I just read an inspirational book, where the author lived his life as if he were to die tomorrow. In some ways this man packed more into life at the age of 50 then most people who live to be a 100.

I've decided to be like him. Like I'll die tomorrow and what kind of mark I want to leave.

One thing is my time on the computer. For the last five years, I have been horribly addicted to it. Just like being a crack addict, I couldn't stay away. It was the first thing I did in the morning and the last thing I did at night. Not the right way I want to live. Funny that my bread and butter (or what it's going to be) is all about computers, but not the social aspects of it.

I do want to continue to blog, but here in itself, this space is going to become defunct. I only want those that love and care about me to read about me, my other blog will be private.

And on that note, I've left a list that has brought me great joy and great pain. I wish all those on that list a very happy life. And someday, when the addiction is over and I am in a better space, I may rejoin. That day may never come, who knows, but I do know that taking these baby steps to wean myself away from the computer is making me happier. I'm sure there will be those moments that I'll want to relapse, but I've already set steps to remind myself why I do not want to do this.

And I leave you with this:

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

traditional gaelic blessing

Defining Moments

2009-04-11T10:19:00.000-07:00

We all have them. Those moments in your life that change your life, completely and forever.

I had one this morning. A long walk with Puppyman frolicking in the waters and running at breakneck speeds at the park, gave me time to think. Emotions running as fast as Wyatt, I composed this in my head. I went to my parents, relishing in the quiet and letting the dog run in and out at his leisure, and thought some more about what I had read this morning.

What I have screamed and shouted NO to, for weeks, maybe months. And I realize that I lost the battle. With one word, "liberating". That word says so about someone's state of mind.

My last two relationships I walked with no looking back. Didn't want to, didn't care. With this one, on that fateful day in February, I didn't want to walk with no looking back, I was still in love. I wanted some sort of reprieve, but like countless of men and woman on death row, I waited until the last second for that phone call to come, but it never did. I wanted some sign that I would be able to heal my heart with her and together we could move on, but that's not to be.

With wanting to know how she was doing, I checked in. I read with dread that she's moved on, liberating herself from me and all that I represent. Door closed, bolted, locked and bricked over for extra security, for her.

For me it was a sucker punch to the stomach. A hit below the belt that left me wanting to curl into a fetal position never to rise again.

This moment defines now the rest of my life. The next few months will be tricky untangling her life from mine, but I now know for certain, that this is the only way it will be.

With no looking back, she moved on.

Are they better than you?

2009-04-02T08:08:00.000-07:00

At your lowest point in a break up, you wonder why the person that profess to love you stops loving you. What outside forces changed this. I've seen people go through horrendous ordeals in their relationships and come out the other side more committed and stronger than they were before. So what's the difference? Is it the people that are involved? Are the ones that tough it out together, just stronger, better people? Was their love stronger or better?

Maybe they just know the true art of a relationship. Maybe that's something that I'll never know. Maybe I just pick the wrong ones to fall in love with. The ones, that when you get right down to the nasties, bail.

So how do you go about finding someone that doesn't bail? Someone who will stick it out with you to the bitter end. Someone that will always have your back. Do you put an ad out that says in part, "must be willing to handle tough times"? How do you find someone with the character and backbone to stay.

I'm asking here people, 'cause I got nothing on this.

Becoming Me

2009-03-30T06:45:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a hard one. Boxing up Dharma's stuff was an emotional roller coaster. Saturday was so bad that I blew off the neighborhood ladies get together. Lisa was such a sweetie, she just kept calling to make sure I was okay. She even got Carol involved sending me messages on face crack.

Lisa has deemed herself, with Amanda's help, the pre-screening crew of my next girlfriend. Supposedly they already have a criteria. Gotta say, that's more than I've got right now.

I was barely alone last week, so those thoughts and memories were held at bay. Saturday as I worked through clearing out and moving my stuff around, gave me too much time to think. Starting to regret my decision not being with the girls, I decided to reach out to an old friend and see if we could reconnect again. I'm sorry that I waited as long as I did, (see previous post).

Sunday was easier. Cold and rainy, I spent the day going through my things and figuring out what I wanted to keep and what could go in the garage sale or what I could just get rid off. It was liberating. Like shedding unwanted pounds. I found things that I hadn't seen before my move to California. Um yep, that needs to go. Like a lot of things in my life right now, I'm cutting things off and out of my life. Things that I have no real reason to hang on to are gone. And that goes for people too. I worked through face crack and deleted people I really don't need to know, or care about.

It may seem that my world is growing smaller, but in reality, I'm just cutting out the excess in my life. Giving me more time to concentrate on what's really important. For the first time, in a really long time, I'm putting me first. I'm concentrating on what I need, and what I don't need. And just like the feeling of getting rid of my excess stuff, it's liberating.

He never said, "I told you so"

2009-03-28T19:59:00.000-07:00

He laughed with me and made me cry as only he can do. Whispered his version of sweet nothings to me, but never once did he say, "I told you so".

I can't wait to see his eyes and fall into his arms again. To feel some what whole again, as only he can do.

As he whispered a sweet good night to me, I realize that my silver lining is shining bright.

Self Discovery

2009-03-27T10:40:00.000-07:00

It's been a week of huge changes for me. A week filled with sadness and loneliness, but also filled with hope and sweet surprises.

Looking back on this week, I realize that the hope and sweet surprises are starting to out weigh the despair. I also realize that I've started making changes that are good for me. Changing old routines and replacing them with healthy ones.

Last night I went and looked at a house that would have been a good investment for my mom, but realized that this house was just too big for one person. It needs a family to fill it. It was beautiful with it's marble fireplace and stain glass window. Original woodwork throughout. Large kitchen with two porches off it, fabulous for entertaining. Three very large bedrooms and two and half baths. You just don't find this kind of house in this neighborhood. Wandering through it my heart delighted at the little touches throughout, but at the end I surprised myself by telling Holly that it was just too big for me. The old me would've jumped on it, not thinking of the drawbacks and the true commitment it would take to bring her back to splendor. The burgeoning me, knows what I'm looking for, and what I need.

And surprisingly, this is also what I'm thinking about needing in a partner. It's still sketchy at best, but I don't want the repeat of old patterns. Of falling into what a relationship should look like, but instead, what it truly means to be in a relationship with that person. And I learned this last night at dinner.

After viewing the house, I went from there to Betsy and Galen's for dinner. As I watch the tender way they danced their way through preparing dinner, one they have done a thousand times before, but with grace, respect and most of all love. And realized that I wanted and deserved that kind of love. One that develops over time. A love that surprises you by falling in love with someone all over again just from the tenderness of that moment.

I also realize that I need to stop the negatives in my life. To cut out the things that trigger negative thoughts. To stop being concerned with what others need of me and concentrate on the positives. Past abuses led me down the path of this notion that I don't need or deserve a certain kind of love. From family, friends, and yes, even a partner. Baby steps, I know, but I'm starting to enjoy the path to self discovery.

Note to Self...

2009-03-26T06:48:00.000-07:00

concerning your cats. Always make sure they have dry food before bed, so you don't become part of their Indy 500 race track at 4 in the morning.

Kthnxba-bai (dumbass)!

concerning your dog. If you take him to a brand new park, let him off leash to enjoy the pond, he's going to take off into the woods. Your heart, being in the condition that it is these days, can not take the stress! Please be advise in the future not to let your dog off leash, no matter how much he whimpers and begs.

Kthnxba-bai (double dumbass)!

Pet Project

2009-03-25T06:45:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention, that I am my neighborhood's new pet project. I love my neighborhood, with all it's quirks, but am feeling a little strange with this new relationship.

It started Saturday. When I was threatened, and cajoled to going to a party by several different people. It wasn't something I wanted to do, since I had found a nice corner in which I could lick my wounds in solitude. I sucked it up, actually dressed up (for me anyway) and went. There seemed to be an over abundance of hugging, and my hand was never beer empty. I had three that night, and that's two more than my usual. I had so many offers of dinner and drinks that night, if I accept all of them, I'll be well fed and drunk for a month. Did I mention what good people my neighbors are?

Sunday my phone rang constantly with neighbors, "just checking in". Pat answer, "doing fine, thank you", and I would head back to my hole or to my mother's, where I, surprisingly, found solace.

On Monday I received the sweetest email from Betsy inviting me to dinner on Thursday. I surprised myself (and them, I later found out) by accepting. I really love Galen and Betsy. Very, very sweet people. Galen was the first person I told about the break up. It wasn't what I had planned, but fate is a strange creature, and I actually cried. I don't cry in front of people, but something in his gentle questioning, made me cry. I hope I can hold it together and not make a blubbering idiot out of myself on Thursday.

Last night I went to our HSPI (Historical South Park Inc.) board meeting. I didn't want to go, but since I'm on the board and had invited one of the guest speakers, I felt it was my duty. One thing that my parents instilled in me, was a since of fulfilling obligations. Damn! Some times I wish I could be more like people that blow things off without a care.

After the meeting, I was rushed. I looked up and a mob of people had surrounded me. Yikes! Um, was it the speech I gave on how we're going after several grants? Um, of course not silly, these people wanted to touch, hug and offer more food.
Beyond the first set of people encircling me, stood Lisa. I haven't seen her at a meeting, well in probably a year. She finally got a chance to work her way to my side and invited me to go have a beer.

I met her and Theresa there. I was surprise to see Theresa, but went with it. The talk started light, about neighborhood stuff, but then they got to the meat of this meet up. How was I? Who's fault was it? What was I going to do now? My answers. "Numb".
"No one" "Going back to school" Obviously it wasn't that easy, or short, but what it boiled down to. Thankfully, I was able to deflect when Lisa mention someone else in the neighborhood having a tough time with their own break up, and we started to talk about her.

I realize that it's human nature to want to know. And it's the nature of this neighborhood to rescue anything and anyone. It's why the majority of us live here. To rescue houses, pets, people. It feels weird to be the one my neighborhood is rescuing, and I have no words to express the gratitude I have for them, and how thankful I am to move to a community that truly cares.

I also realized last night, that for the first time in my life, I'm reaching back to people, who are reaching out to me. Because of this neighborhood, I am able to break a bad habit of self reliance and let people in. And that my friend is truly priceless and worth being their pet project.

Officially putting my brain back to use

2009-03-23T13:56:00.000-07:00

Excited and terrified all at the same time, I have just enrolled to get my security certifications, well the first leg of it anyway. I start my journey with MCSE/MCSA certifications. The next leg will be longer and more intense, and too many certifications to list here. If you really need to know, here's the link and on the right hand side is all the certifications I'll be aquiring.

Looks like with the death of one thing, new beginings are just around the corner for me. Sadness overwhelms me with the end of what was, but I'm looking forward to starting my life being a crime fighter.

I struggle with the fear of the unknown, and look forward to it all at the same time. My biggest fear is getting my brain to remember stuff again. I may have to look into alternative methods of memorization.

Time will only tell if I can master my memory again.

Changing my ways

2009-03-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

I realized last night after reading facebook and twitter, that I was falling into old patterns. I realize now that they have become a good source for procrastination, and triggering hurt feelings.

When Dharma and I were together, we would fall into our laptops nightly. We always had good intentions not to, but old habits are hard to break.

So I'm changing my ways. I don't need to feel connected through either one of those venues. I also don't need to be on my laptop for hours on end. There is too much out there that I want to do. I want to connect with people on a personal level, face to face, or on the phone. Last resort, email. I have promised myself to check email twice a day and that is it. No more of my mind numbing Zuma, even the tv is going away. I'll miss you forensics files, but will read instead of "The Voice" putting me to sleep.

I will write more, on the desktop that has no internet. I will find a new morning routine. Have to, another crutch is going away, smoking. I'm tired of it.

I also want to finish old projects and start new ones. I will study my butt off, because I only have two months until boot camp and I need to be well prepared.

Publishing this is a good reminder that I need to change these soul sucking habits. And if I have to, I'll print it out and tape it to my headboard as a reminder that I don't need any more "fake social connections".

Baby Huey

2009-02-16T10:14:00.000-08:00

I haven't talked about any of our animals lately, so I thought I'd give the background on Baby Huey aka Casey. His real name is Casey, but he so fits the mold of baby Huey, that in writing, I refer to him as that. Why is that you ask? Glad you want to know.

On a nice warm day in July, The Dharma and I were walking Puppyman on the green, where we heard the distress cry of a kitten. He was loud and demanding, should have run the other way, but we didn't. Searched him out, spotted him across the street, and I think called to him. Maybe? Not sure now, but I do know he came a running. Not to us, but straight to the dog. Wyatt sniffed him, and I picked the little white ball of fluff up and off we went. How could we not fall instantly in love with a white kitten, with touches of peach on his ears and tail, and the bluest eyes I have ever seen.

Our first visit to the vet and they agreed that he was probably between three and four months old. Teeth and size were the major deciding points. Looking back on that, I think he was probably younger. His paws were huge, but the rest of him fit the size of a three or four month old.

Jump to two months later and the boy has gained a few pounds. Well he is pretty big boned and eating like a small pony, so I just put it down to a tremendous growth spurt. At six months, he weighed in at ten lbs. That's T.E.N. pounds at a half a year. I have known cats that never grow beyond four pounds.

Somewhere in the last two months, Casey and Wyatt (the 70lb dog) have started their own version of wwSmack down. Casey comes flying out of no where, grabs Wyatt around the neck and pins him. Wyatt is in pure heaven. He's not a cuddly dog, but Casey can lay all over him, and Wyatt isn't moved, to well...move. Amazing! I love to watch them wrestle. I keep threatening to put it up on Ytube. Most people will be in awe at the flying white ball of fur that attacks the leaping dog, I'm sure of it! Well maybe just animal lovers, but that's a lot of people.

We are now at age nine months, and I just can't bring myself to weigh him. I joke to the Dharma that I'm going to need a weightlifters belt to hoist this kitten up when he's fully grown, but I really think that's going to be the case. The Dharma keeps bugging me to strengthen my core, I'm seriously considering it just to keep up with Baby Huey.

{The top picture is Casey at six months. Picture to the left of this is him at 9 months, crushing my legs btw.}

Great plans and all that

2009-02-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

I sit here writing this, hoping that the waves of nausea will subside. It started Friday, which I thought were just nerves and lack of sleep. Still can't really sleep. Got some this morning, sleep that is, between 6 and 10 am. This flu is kicking my ass.

I had plans of getting up, getting my hair cut and then hitting as many IT places to give them my resume. I am placing some on line, but that is so tedious and without a instant reply. I don't count the auto-reply that says they received it as a "real" reply. It's almost as bad as a spam bot.

I was able to take the puppyman for his long walk and not throw up during it. I find this a huge accomplishment. Then ran the P@nera card over to dharma, who's dining with her boy James.

Oh my kingdom for a sprite, or anything that won't burn coming back up. Gross, I know, but it's the truth.

So enough about work and flu stuff, on to personal crappage. There are still so many unanswered questions. Questions that I'm afraid to ask. Questions that will take me down a road I probably don't want to revisit, but it seems that in this life time I am destined to repeat over and over and over again. Well third times the charm, right?

On a brighter note, I am reconnecting with friends that I haven't spoken to in about ten years. Some from my *gasp* high school, and some from my sordid past. The high school ones are bringing back a lot of good memories, the sordid ones are just making me laugh. And it's all about the laughs right now.

It's been a long long time

2009-02-08T06:30:00.000-08:00

It's been a year since I've posted. A year long depression that I couldn't pull myself out of. The move threw me into such a tailspin that I haven't been able to find myself again. There's a line by Lifehouse, in their song Storm, that says I've been just below the surface, and that's the way it has felt. I view everything through murky waters.

This view has accomplished nothing for me. I have hurt so many in my path to self destruction that I don't know if I'll ever be able to repair those bridges, but I'm going to try. I know that first of all I need to fix me. To find myself again, I do need the help of others. Rereading that line just sent a jolt through me. I've never needed anyone, or so I thought. The now me, recognizes that I do need people, that I do need my friends, my family of choice, and yes even my flesh and blood family.

I want to change, need to change, just to survive and be happy.
I am so scared that I've screwed up so much in my life that I won't be able to fix anything, but by god I am sure as hell gonna try.

It's all in his name

2007-12-06T20:48:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday I was hanging out with my big boy at his new place, which has a huge backyard, so I dragged along the smaller boy to enjoy that huge area of delight.

As Steve (the big boy) and I chatted casually in the pouring rain, while the little guy ran around, I noticed that six foot chain length fence was solid all the way around.
I decided to leave the boy (the small one) outside while I went and did some stuff on Steve's computer.

Typing away, I heard Soup and Zander, Steve's little Chihuahuas going completely nuts downstairs. Gut reacted first and I headed for the stairs, halfway down I had a clear view of the front storm door and my little guy (much bigger than Steve's little guys) grinning down at Soup and Zander.

We checked the yard, we checked the gate, yep all locked up as tight as Shawshank. (Total movie reference to follow. If you didn't see it, just skip to the next paragraph). I'm thinking Wyatt's poster was probably of one of his girls from the dog park, nothing as mundane as Lassie or any of those million dollar mutts, nope he has tons of lovely ladies to choose from.

Yes he started life name Rascal for a reason. And when I introduced him to a little old lady in our small neighborhood park the other day, she exclaimed, "Oh! Just like Wyatt Earp".

Yes just like Wyatt Earp, our own little outlaw.

Damn you woman!

2007-12-05T21:12:00.000-08:00

Have you watched Family Guy? You know the voice of Stewie? Well picture that coming from our cat, Atticus. Yes the pyromania kitty, that's the one I speak of. Why the voice you ask, I'll get to that.

This morning, mother nature graced us with a wonderful blanket of snow. Enough to make everything look beautiful. Wyatt hopped like a little snow bunny throughout his morning romp. Atticus, well...Atticus, the little grey bundle of moroseness, sat on our porch screaming his little lungs out. He did not like the snow, oh no, not one little bit.

Now remember, this is the little guy, when his Mama flew to the east coast two years ago, thought I had taken his beloved Mama out somewhere and had her done away with. He wandered our house pitifully crying out for her. Finally realizing that she would not answer him, he slunk into my lap, and settled. Yes he settled, just like a Cubs fan settles for last place, I was his last resort. I think that's when he started to take on the personality of Stewie.

It was subtle at first. Him, playfully grabbing at my shoe laces, innocently watches as I trip. Lying across the top of the staircase, while I'm carrying one of the iMacs downstairs. Fine thanks, but the mac, not so much. I started to notice the escalation, like when he knocked the candles over and tried to burn the house down. Now granted, I realize that his Mama was there for that, but I think he thought that she was smart of enough to know to get out of the house, but was betting the ponies that I was too dumb to figure it out.

This morning though, all his veiled attempts of concealing his contempt for me, flew away, much like his voice echoing off that dreaded snow. As I approached the front porch, his voice grew much clearer and I heard the Stewie inflection to his words,

"Die damn you woman, DIE!"

I'm now searching his belongings for the cross stitch that has that saying. I'm sure it's here somewhere...Just in case I can't prove that my own cat is trying to kill me, I've beefed up the life insurance policy, the double indemnity clause that pays double on accidental death. I'm sure in Atty's little mind, he and his Mama will be very happy living off that.

and we're back...

2007-12-04T20:08:00.000-08:00

After a brief (okay, maybe not so brief) hiatus, I've taken up the pen again. I'll give credit to Chris, Dharma's new friend, reminding me that I haven't blogged in forever.

Our lives have definitely changed and yes we've landed in the O. Z. Outer Zone for those that are watching The Tinman (excellent mini series btw), you'll get the reference. Yes Dorothy, we are definitely not in Kanas, er Berkeley any more. We've actually landed in a really cool neighborhood, and are enjoying it immensely. If you've been following Dharma's blog, you already know her point of view, I'll be telling my side of it soon.

My job is great, lovin' that I get to work with my boy again. And I get to play with all the cool phones. Got my girl this phone, which she likes. I'll be getting myself this one, once the holidays are over and I have the cash. I get a wicked good discount on my phones, so of course I have to have the latest toy.

So I'm back, and hoping everyone will stop by again.

Oh and as a p.s. to Chris, sorry but the tv came off the market.

Bye, bye Berkeley

2007-09-16T13:57:00.000-07:00

Quick update on the move.
We are 90% packed. Still have a few items we are trying to sell. Anyone need a 42 inch Mitsubishi hdtv? It's going for the low price of $350. Comes with own stand and has every hook up you can imagine. Even for your pc.

Gotta say that what just happened makes it easier to move. My $1500 Cannondale bike was stolen. After two car radios you think I would learn. I know that this is a high crime area, but geesh people...I just can't think of anything to say, but I'm hoping that the karmic bug bites you on the ass.

Unloading

2007-07-29T11:57:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned how much I love freecycle? This is a great organization. The best part is that I get rid of a lot of stuff that I don't have to pack.

Speaking of packing, my office is starting to take shape. I have split my junk into categories, i.e. Take (which are already in boxes, yeah me!) Decide, (which may hit freecycle or our tag sale). Sell (depending on the item goes on Craigslist, ebay or tag sale). Throw out (which is in a large garbage bag). I'm not done, but am getting there.

Now the groaning part, the garage. I need to do the same thing there, but I'm just not motivated yet. Dharma wants me to sell the upright game, that's being stored down there, but I just can't wrap my head around that. Yes it's and old project waiting to happen, but I have so many plans for it. Yes I know it takes up a lot of room, but I've already committed to getting rid of a few large items. One is my portable basketball hoop, gone to a freecycler. The other is my baby, The Purple Beast. No I don't think I'll sell my coke machine, but I may have to, to fund our trip.

Other items that will go: My grandfather's bedroom suit consisting of two twin beds, two night tables, and a chest of drawers. My old flour cupboard that came out of our family farmhouse. My desk with printer stand and a two drawer file cabinet. Two kitchen chairs that I got off of freecycle. My grandfather's collection of cameras. My 42 in. HDTV Mitsubishi tv that took me forever to get, but I'm afraid she won't make the trip across country and she takes up a lot of space. The futon couch. The 50 year old chairs that came from my grandmother. I think that's everything.

I have a feeling of loss, especially giving up my baby, PB, and I know it's silly, but the Centipede game is like the proverbial straw. I have firmly planted my feet against giving this one thing up. I realize that I have more stuff than Dharma, but sheesh, give me one thing here. And no, that's an invitation to ask me to choose between my coke machine and my centipede game. The coke machine is my ace in the hole. She'd bring much more money than the game, and if I have to give her up I want at least one big toy. If I commit to giving up the upright arcade, then I have nothing. Except maybe a chest of drawers left. Oh and my office chair.

Yes I am a big baby, especially when it comes to my toys. I think I've made a really good case for keeping my one large item. Right?

Befuddled, Bemused, Betrayed

2007-07-14T12:32:00.000-07:00

Betrayal is such an ugly word, What's worse is that it's an ugly act. We've all been betrayed at one time or another, but when it's done by people that profess to care for you, it sticks like a bone in your craw.

I've been betrayed by my Dad over and over again. My mom, well the verdict is still out on that one. My one time best friend, Mark. Past lovers. At times it seems like the list is endless. I can count on one hand the people I've had in my life that was always there for me, whom I felt would never betray me, and didn't.

Without these people, I feel like a rudderless catamaran adrift at sea. Friends that I thought would stand up for me, when the heat was on, stood by silent. Even when attacked by a known person of dislike and distrust, everyone that I had ever backed in an argument with this person, stood silent.

You would think that I would learn. Learn not to expect anything from anyone, but see I had a small taste of it. That unconditional love from two people in my life and that spoiled me. Right or wrong of it, they were always there for me. One being my Grammy, and the other being her daughter. Two people that if I called at any time day or night, would come a running. Both of them are gone now and one of the hardest things for me is not having them when the chips are down.

I was brought up to believe that everyone has an agenda. You just have to figure out what it is, and if it's too harmful for you to be around. If it's only mildly toxic and you like that person, then you put up with it. To me, the test of friendship is when someone can stand up and publicly say, "I have your back", I have this in Jer. Many of times in the 18 plus years that I have known her, she has been there for me, and I for her. We've had brief moments in time when we had to separate, but we've always found one another again. This time around, I'm not squandering my time without her.

And I think this is the biggest lesson of all. When you find someone/s that will always have your back, you hold on to them for dear life, because this is what life is all about, the circle of friends. Your family of choice.

My hope for everyone is that they have found their family of choice and are living the good life.

Flinging the shutters wide open

2007-07-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

Sister Bertrille anyone. Wait, that's not her name. What the hell was Julie Andrews nun name in the Sound of Music? You'd think I'd remember, my mother forced me to watch it every single year. Maybe that's why I'm so warped, but I digress.

The reason that this particular movie is stuck in my brain, so like a bad earworm song, is that I keep hearing the old nun tell Julie Andrews, that when g*d closes a door, somewhere he opens a window, that's how I feel about the house that I have been obsessing about. And then along comes photos from the best friend ever, Jer.

After dropping my adorable nephew off at the airport for his 6 a.m. flight, she took her newly purchased digital camera over to some houses that I had expressed an interest in.

And in the same day she was able to upload and email me those photos. Amazing! Sleep deprived and all, she got some great photos. In the several different houses we found one that we have oohed and awed over. See for yourself.

Notice the fantastic door and lower window. Yes I know that the attic is boarded up, but it sounds like someone was trying to bring it back to life before they had it taken away from them. The spec sheet says 2 car garage and 220 electric with central air.
Now this is more up our alley. It does need new paint, the porch fixed and a new roof. Oh and let's not forget about a new attic window, but hey, at least we could in theory actually live there while fixing it up.

I think I hear the nuns queueing up to sing a round of hallelujahs.

KERBLAM!

2007-07-04T00:07:00.000-07:00

No that's not the sound of Oakland's illegal fireworks going off, that's the sound of my bubble bursting. The house. The 1922 Craftsman home that has spectacular bones is not to be for the moment. Well here, see for yourself...

That speck by the window is exposed lathe. Yep and it gets worse. Well here is 2000 words worth describing it.

Why yes Jimmie, that is live plants growing from the outside in. Well I guess that could give new meaning to the indoor, outdoor dining experience that everyone loves. I don't know how I'd sell it in the bathroom, but I'm sure I can figure out something.

New roof is not a bad thing to add, but this is a total gut and redo. I wish we had a place to crash for six months. I'm figuring that is how long it would take to just make it habitable.

Hmm, maybe Dharma wouldn't mind living out back in an RV. Okay, okay, y'all can stop laughing now.

Self-destruct Mode

2007-06-27T12:51:00.000-07:00

Suicide is an ugly word. It's an ugly act, but it's not like I haven't had those thoughts. Oh before you call the little men with the white coats, there is too much of the Catholic still in me to actually ever do it. I'm too much of a wimp to actually carry it out, but that's not to say that I don't at times think it would be easier.

Lately I have these feelings of self-destruct. Of pushing everyone away. I remember being very young and realizing I did much better on my own. At one point in my life it was just me and the dog, and I accomplished many things, well for a child I did many things. I felt free and alive to be my own boss. Not having to worry about how everyone else was impacted by my actions, I truly miss those days. And now I'm wondering if I'm not pushing everyone away again so I can be free from the pain that only humans can impose on one another.

Today I left my community, yet again, and this time I'm feeling lighter like I don't have to be bothered with yet something else tugging at me for attention. The Psychologist in me realizes that I'm pushing a lot of folks out of my life so I don't have to face the pain of leaving them. I was burned once before by my family of choice and I don't want the fear and the heartache of that happening again, so I'm striking out first.

Yea, yea, I get it, but hey, this time around I'm letting my inner child lead the way.

Moving Update

2007-06-19T12:35:00.000-07:00

I'm sure everyone knows by now that the move has been postponed, whew! Is that a relief. I talked briefly about the house I'm consumed by, and now I'm even more so. My best friend drove by it on Saturday and said it look like our kind of place.

Craftsman style built in the 1920's. The neighborhood looked like blue collar and things were being fixed up around there. She saw very little neglect. Best thing she felt was the fire and police station down a block. Well yeah there's that, but the sirens are killers. We live about three blocks from the fire station here and those sirens are loud! Nice thing about back home is that most homes are not sitting right on the street and there is that whole thing about houses being insulated. I'd like to teach CA about that neat little trick, and have them add it to their friendly vocabulary list.

Jer is scheduling an appointment with her friend, the realtor. She has promised to take loads of pictures, and I promise to try and post them. Hey maybe to my flikr account. I haven't used that things in a dog's age.

I'm getting excited about the possibility of owning again.

House of Cards

2007-06-13T17:10:00.000-07:00

We need certain things to fall into place for us to be able to make our move across country. One is money. I have no idea where we are going to come up with 5 grand just to move us. That doesn't include a down payment for whatever abode we land in.

Parental units aren't an option. Mine if you read last night's entry, need no explanation. I'm still trying to figure out what I can sell without losing our shirts.
I loathe to ask my little brother. I'm afraid that would put him in a difficult situation with my parents, let alone his wife.

On the upside, I found a house, well no, Dharma found the house, but I'm consumed by it. It's located in the University ghetto. It's an old one built in the 1920's so she has some charm. She has 3 bed 1 bath. She has a one car garage and it looks like a fence, but the best thing is her price. She is going for 30, 000. The comps around there go between 75,000 and 100,00. She's probably in really bad shape, but hopefully fixable. The three things that would be killers are 1. asbestos 2. mold 3. bad foundation. Anything else, I can fix or know someone who can. That's the positive thing about moving back, all my contacts.

At 30 grand, you only need $6000 down (20 %) and that takes the payments to 160.00 a month. Amazing isn't it?

So anyone out there want to loan us $11,000 or 12,000?
You can on Dharma's blog ::kidding::

...well maybe not.

FoO FOOEY!

2007-06-12T22:47:00.000-07:00

Families of Origin suck. There I said it. No two ways about it. It's been a while and a lot has happened since my last post. Well some things have happened. Oh okay, not so much.

The family part is screwing me up. Emotionally anyway. I spoke with my Aunt tonight, who does, admittedly, have some bad blood with my Father, her brother. She's been hurt by him many times. I just learned tonight that he told her she was on her own when she had her heart attack. I had no idea, but I didn't doubt that he said that to her. He's never forgiven her for moving thirty minutes away from the family. Yep you heard right, she moved 14.6 miles away from them. Yep I'm screwed, I deigned to move 2500 miles away and now I'm moving back.

When I learned of the job I had all these wonderful thoughts of my family welcoming me back with open arms. HA! Have I talked about how long my family holds a grudge? They put any Soprano family member to shame.

Like my Aunt said tonight, if your name isn't Greg (my brother) or Leigh (his daughter) my dad doesn't realize anyone else exists. Oh Dharma believes that he loves me, well he does, when the golden child or golden grandchild isn't around, he remembers that he has a daughter, it will be an eye opening experience for Dharma.

My Aunt also said that my mother was really pissed off the last time she got off the phone with me. She asked my mother how I was doing and my mother snapped back, "just fine". Clearly telling my aunt that I was an off topic. That was Memorial day. I just spoke with my dad about my moving back, this past Sunday. And in all this time, no one bothered to tell my aunt I was coming home.

I vacillate between wanting it to be like old times, family get together etc. and not seeing them at all. I see this as a vicious pattern repeating itself. My mother didn't see her mother for many years. I don't really know the why of it all and I probably never will and maybe I don't want to know. The other side of it is protecting my heart, as in Dharma. and my babies and me.

I just don't trust them not to hurt any of us.
I just don't trust them period. Exclamation point.
And people wonder why I don't trust easily.

The Boogieman Returnith

2007-05-27T14:25:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, and some are refusing to believe, it looks like Dharma and I are moving back to Ohio. Everyone keeps commenting on the song, Four Dead. Yep that's the place, well no, not really. We would be nowhere near Kent State, we would actually be relocating to the south west part of said state. For the hippies out there, near Yellow Springs.

Dharma has been scouring the Realtor sites to see what's available. We are hoping that my mom will buy and then rent to us. If she won't do that, Dharma has also been searching for places to rent. Places that we can afford and still pay our way out of debt that is, are located in very scary parts of town.

That's one scary thing. Another is having to once again play nice with my family on a regular basis. And when I say family, I'm talking my parental units. As with most, my parents can be trying at times, okay let's be real here. they are a huge frickin' pain in the ass. See I'm the one that isn't perfect. Unlike the golden boy (my brother) who is perfect, but I love him anyway, I'm the black sheep. The one that keeps them up at night wondering where they went wrong. The one that I'm sure my mother prays the hardest for. The one that left them to move to California, never to return. The one that left them *gasp* for a bohemian woman. Not that they have a problem with me being gay (well not any more), but I left a perfectly good relationship (in their eyes) to be with someone *they* didn't know. Yep, I suck.

Strike two, and I'm almost down for the count, whoops, wait a minute, here comes strike three. I'm again experiencing night terrors. This goes beyond the normal nightmares that people experience, these are full blown heart attack causing dreams. The ones that you scream in, but nobody can hear you scream. The retelling of an old tale that by now should be so forgotten that your dusting off the cobwebs of your mind to find that memory. That memory is older than Methuselah himself, but in the darkest part of the night, it's just like it happened yesterday. The event, the people, the whole bloody mess, is as shiny in your mind as that brand new penny.

Oh the joy of it all. Oh yeah, I just can't wait to move.

Not green anymore, but very blue

2007-05-17T23:18:00.000-07:00

I'm really blue. I miss my brother. I didn't realize how much I missed him until tonight.

My brother has been in town for a conference all week, and tonight I had to say good bye. He flies out tomorrow and heads back to his wife and daughter, Tmane (The most adorable niece ever). I ache as I write this. I didn't realize how much I miss our time together.

Monday at 7:45 am our phone rings and Dharma answers it. It's him. As I lay in bed I try and figured out if he's calling because his conference got cancel or what. After wiping the tears off my cheeks, I gather up the nerve to go ask Dharma. No just his flight, he'll be in later. Relief. I'm bummed because he should've landed at OAK at 11:30 am my time, and we were going to have the day together, but at least he was coming. He didn't arrive until 10:45 p.m. that night.

I didn't get to see him Tuesday, but got him Wednesday night and most of the day today. The ease of being with him was so refreshing. Nothing has changed, just because I moved 3500 miles away, we fell back into are easy rhythm of chatter.

Catching up on family gossip and are favorite local baseball team, The Dayton Dragons, brought on an ache of homesickness, really, it just came in waves. I'm missing so much being out here.

Time is moving way too fast. I really want to scream at Father Time and say give me back my baby brother and all the time we used to have, he's just isn't listening.

As the day is long at Casa de Cedar

2007-05-09T23:46:00.000-07:00

So I guess I announced it to the universe too soon, I written to the guy that offered me two separate jobs and I haven't heard from him. Not a good sign. And before you ask, yes I have sent him another email. Calling is not an option right now. Maybe soon.

On the other hand I have been consumed by the iMac invasion and having a great deal of fun. I miss my bby tech days. Since I feel like I'm on a deadline with so many things, I've been whipping through them. Takes me right back to those days of having to have so many done and out the door. There were days that I was literally stepping over stacks of computers, because there was no room on the holding shelves, let alone the tech benches. Oh those were the days of fun!

I picked up 8 printers from the same gentleman, off of freecycle.org. That place rocks, and I owe it about 25 items. I had promised Dharma that for everything I get off of there I have to put at least one thing back, preferably two. Well in her world, probably five::grin::

The Puppyman has been pretty subdued today. One, his romping playmate went home last night allowing him down time and two, a couple of baby raccoons decided to make a late night visit stealing his food. The last one kept me up.

Marcelle, the baby of the babies, has been great fun of late. Tonight little miss Sneaky pants, stole a chocolate chip off of my cookie and then helped herself to my milk. Who does she think she is, Santa Claus? No I'm sure she just think she's entitled. Well the baby of family is usually the one that is spoiled the most. And with her cute little personality and sweet little purr, is it no wonder that we do.

Score!

2007-05-07T22:29:00.000-07:00

I scored 15 imacs and 1 G3 off of freecycle yesterday. I've been going through them, slowly, checking to see what works and what doesn't. Every single color but grape. I have to admit that grape is my favorite, but the lime green, tangerine and the pink (later to be replace by ruby), are very cute, but I like the brighter colors.

Mac went a little bit more subdued in their colors later on, and then went boringly white. I love the sleek look of apple's LCD studio display. I still have their 15in. The vividness of the screen just can't be compared to, even now.

Dharma and I were in B*st B*y a couple of weeks ago and they have the latest Mac's displayed, so disappointing. Big and clunky looking. They look better in an apple store, not so fish out of water.

So now on to find homes for the ones that work. A client of mine has a lead for some needy kids, and I loved to be able to hook them up. Every kid should have a computer. I think I'll save the pink one for our niece, her favorite color. Hey! She's a very advanced two year old, I'm sure she'll pick it up right away. Not that I'm biased or anything.

And I'll leave you with this last photo that I have titled, "YIKES! What were you thinking"?

I'm baaack

2007-05-06T14:59:00.000-07:00

So I've been MIA as some of you have gently pointed out. It's been difficult for me to actually get words to come out cohesively. I've been spiraling downward for a while now, but with Saana's passing, that sent me into a tailspin. Picture those old Bugs Bunny cartoon that shows the rocket screaming toward earth and you've got a pretty good picture of my emotions.

For some reason today, I'm able to actually start writing again. I've been journaling, but that's not the same as putting it out there, so to speak. We been busy with guests lately, both two legged and four. I'm sure you've read all about it over at Dharma's blog, so I won't bore you with the details. I'm not sure of all she's written, yep confession time, I haven't been over there in a while, or to anyone's blog, and I apologize for that.

One thing that has probably spurred me to write out loud, is that I've had two job offers, I'm just now trying to figure out which one to take. It's in the tech field and I'm happy about that. Decent pay and decent hours with both places.

I'm still playing "what do you want to be when you grow up" and am back to studying for my realtor's exam. No I don't want to be a realtor, I'd rather flip. Yep I know that it's not as easy as it was a few years ago, but I did this back in my college days and it ended up paying for most of my private university tuition. Very pricey place that I ended up going to. But what I really loved about it was being able to take a gem in the rough and polishing it up. Nothing I have ever done gave me that sense of accomplishment. I learned a lot when I did that, how to lay tile and carpet, ran all the electric and combined with my other job during college (cable installer) I learned all about foundations, roofs, (yes I've done roofing and it's hot and sticky work). I'm not looking to get rich from it, but put a paid for roof over our heads, would be nice. I would also like Dharma to finish her degree without having to worry about money.

So that's about it for me, how's tricks with y'all? I guess I better start hitting all your blogs and see what everyone's been up to.

Dry spell over

2007-03-13T23:06:00.000-07:00

Man, talk about a long drought. No I'm not talking about the weather, yet (but if we don't get rain soon, it ain't going to be pretty), but I digress. The drought is the amount of posting, or non posting that I have done.

Life keeps moving on, and I hope for the better. I'm still sending out resumes, but haven't really heard anything. I've in an interview process that's taking awhile, maybe that's why I'm not so concerned about receiving nothing in my inbox.

The kittens are huge. Saana, true to the tiger type, is going to be one big girl. I've bugged Dharma for updated photos, but I guess I'll have to dust off the camera and do it myself. Marcel is still a little dream. She is the sweetest thing, purring constantly. I'll try and get those photos tomorrow and post them.

If you read Dharma you know about our best purchase ever! The Puppyman is a joy to walk. We just got it yesterday, and I wanted to try it out today, but had a customer's computer to finish, so I grudgingly handed over the leash to his other Mama.

I'm going to try and be better about posting and not be so friggin' boring. Maybe I'll try to challenge myself to write everyday. Since I've taken a break from a large volume list I'm on, I'll have more time to write.

Well I guess I'll wrap it up and go get some shut eye. I've got a long to-do list that Dharma has formed for me to get started on. Why is it when it's your significant other's parental unit visiting, you're the one that's stuck with all the work?

Can anyone answer that one for me? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Maybe Soulmates

2007-02-15T23:17:00.000-08:00

I've just read my girlfriend's blog on wonders of Valentines day and in it she spoke of soulmates. I've always viewed soulmates as in friends, not any of my lovers, but her recap of our first meeting made me pause. I wonder why I've never thought of any of them as soulmates, even her. Was there instant recognition when I met her? Yes. Did I already know how her eyes would light up at something silly I had said? Yes. Did I know how her mouth would feel under mine? Yes.

So why my hesitation at assigning what I would call a very prestiges position in my life? Did I give this high holy position to my best friend? Yes. Have I given it to other friends and even certain relatives? Yes. Does Dharma know me better than anyone these days? Yes. So again I question why not giving this role to her. Fear?

Maybe.

To me soulmates don't last forever. They are the people that you've known in a previous life, and if your lucky, they'll be in your life forever. Unfortunately for me, this just hasn't happened. My soulmates tend to leave me for one reason or another. The most devastating one was my Aunt Kay. She was a soulmate, someone who meant a great deal to me in previous lives and in this. When she died, I lost a piece of my soul. Maybe it's my fear of losing so much of my soul if I lost Dharma that my heart wouldn't survive it.

Maybe.

*******************************************

As The Stomach Churns

2007-02-13T23:14:00.000-08:00

Well the Puppyman had a very brief, very bad day at the park. He's gotten aggressive toward other dogs. Upon reading some things I figured that more than likely he thinks I don't like other dogs. I admit I do tense up when other dogs come toward me, but that's because I know his reaction will be to go after that dog, and today was no exception.

Things have changed in his world. One he will only meet with his girl three or four times a week. Two, he will only spend time at the park that has fewer dogs. Three, he goes on the lead at the park. This is going to be tough, but he needs to be brought back to basics. All his privileges at home have been revoked. He sits to enter or exit any doorway, we go first. He is only allowed on our bed if he's been invited. Time outs are given out with every infraction. Yep we've gotten lax on our training, but he's not a puppy any more, he's a dog, and he's going to learn some manners.

I've also been in touch with a trainer, I hope she will be able to give me more insight. I'm also going to read, "Leader of the Pack", and use those practices. And I've bookmarked some sights that looked interesting.

Puppyman, we have a lot of work to do so my ulcer can take a vacation.

Puppyman comes of age

2007-02-10T23:18:00.000-08:00

Today is Wyatt's birthday. Not an exciting day for people, but good enough for him.
He ate, slept and had his play date with his "girls" Ruth and Piccolo. He had lots of treats today, and stole the dingo from Saana several times. All in all, I say he celebrated his birthday as only he could.

He'll always be our Puppyman, even though he's thought officially as a dog.

Happy Birthday sweet boy, your Mamas love you very much.

And another one is born

2007-02-09T20:34:00.000-08:00

Nope, not babies. I'm sure you thought that if you just read Dharma's blog and then navigated your way over here. I added a new blog tonight. I'm going to be cataloging my progress on my latest projects. Yep I did just ask for suggestions on what to do and Brooklynne came through for me. She gave me her old Wallstreet powerbook and I'm going to make it into my own version of an iFrame. I'll keep you updated here so you can go over and take a peak ever so often on all my cursing and name calling that I'm sure will abound.
The picture is courtesy of ifixit and I'll be hitting this site on a regular basis. I'm excited to start this and see where it leads me. Hopefully i'll do a good enough job to help some people out and maybe even get added to MacMods site. cross your fingers for me.

Bountiful Surprises

2007-02-08T22:27:00.000-08:00

So I haven't updated in a while, not that I haven't had things to write about, but well writing really has been on the back burner for me.

This past Saturday, if you haven't already read Dharma, she threw me a surprise birthday party. It was so sweet and just what my fledgling spirit needed. One of the wonderful things was that our friend Jennie showed. Because of one thing or another, we haven't seen her or her adorable boy "G", since November 14. Yep know the date. Way too long in not seeing them.

Also Liz & Andrea came with baby Val, and even though both are highly allergic to cats, and with our six, we can never clean well enough for them not to be affected. I was very touched by that.

Sue and Sarah brought the boys and the party theme of Elmo. Large balloons, (can't remember the last time I had balloons) yep I was in heaven. My inner 12 year old was jumping up and down. Okay, I think I actually jumped up and down, they also gave me TMX Elmo. So cool! What kid doesn't love Elmo I ask you!

And the last guest, well not really, everyone is more like family, Ruth and Piccolo showed up with the best BBQ that I've found in the North. This was true southern bbq. So good. She also was in charge of one of the prettiest cakes I've ever seen. I kept thinking that my Mom would love this cake, I wish she could have seen it.

The gifts were fabulous. I told you about Ruth's and Sue & Sarah's gift, but Jennie got me a fun little gadget, it's a small LED strip sign that you can program to say anything, love it! And just today, I received my DVD burner that she ordered for me. Liz & Andrea, well let's be truthful here, really their little one is doing a fine job of rebuilding my DVD library, she's smart little thing (also very beautiful) she picked out Clerk's II for me.

Speaking of adding to my birthday DVD collection, Brooklynne, gave me Rent the movie. And she also got me a nice little book, She's such a Geek. Can't wait to read that!

All in all I say that I have wonderful friends and feel very blessed by them and my best girl Dharma.

Five Alive

2007-02-02T21:27:00.000-08:00

So I've been putting this off and I guess it's time to actually do it. I was tagged by LASR and I've read some others that have been tagged and I've been inspired.

So to use an old cliche, "and a away we go o oh".

1. Besides being a hardware geek, which some, if not all know, I'm also a scrapbooking geek. Yep I know, y'all are shocked. I haven't done it since I've moved and since the girlfriend aka Dharma has never seen me do it, she doesn't believe me. Well tonight I have taking up my scrapbooking again. I'll keep y'all updated.

2. Watching the Ghost Whisper tonight, no I'm not a closeted watcher, I've just never seen it before, guess really I haven't been missing much. Anyway digressing here, there was this bit about illegal street car racing on the show, and it brought back fond memories of my racing days. Okay really I only did a few times, but damn was it fun!

3. I have three dogs and nine cats. No they don't all live with me, but they are still all mine.

4. I am a collector. I collect c*ke products. I started when I was about nine. My grandmother gave me some coke trays she had up in her attic, and boom, a collector was born. I even have an old 10 cent coke machine. The kind that you have to put two nickels in. It does work, but needs freon. I collect fiestaware, courtesy of same grandmother. Key chains that are unusual. Lighters. And last, but not least, old mame games, i.e., centipede, pong, space invaders, etc. The list is long and varied.

5. I have met Kate Hepburn. Yep in the flesh. I tripped over my tongue while I was trying to be cool when we were introduced. Gotta say, I'm much smoother with woman who are less intimidating. The only other one that has shook me up that much was Dharma.

So there you have it, my five. Now I'm supposed to tag five other people, but not being in the blogging sphere, I don't know that many, plus don't think those that are left would appreciate being tagged, so I'll skip it.

Birthday Thankfulness

2007-02-01T22:14:00.000-08:00

I first want to thank everyone that remembered my birthday and sent me great birthday wishes.

My birthday actually started last night. With the help of Dharma, she reminded me how good it is to be alive. Today we spent a very easy day of it. We had a nice time at the park with Ruth and Piccolo. Oh and a great present from Ruth, Pic and all the kitties...drum roll please

Altec Lansing inMotion iPod sound system. Even though it's on my wish list, I didn't realize how truly awesome it is! It charges while in the cradle, will play through our stereo system, and double bonus points, has the adapter I need to hook to both car systems. I lucked out with the Subaru with the additional external port to support the iPod. On the purple beast, I had purchase the radio that would do it all, i.e, iPod, XM etc. so now I'm all set.

I feel so lucky to have so much to be thankful for. This is definitely going to be my year. How could it not be, I ask you, with a great start as this, yep a good one I say.

[edited in] I forgot to mention the wonderful cake Dharma baked for me. She placed three candles on it and when I looked at her with a quizzical expression, she explained it was for everyone of my birthdays that we have celebrated together. Talk about sentimental. I can hear the aahhs right now. She knows me so well that she even got the chocolate ice cream to go with it. Am I lucky or what?

Aspirations

2007-01-30T22:35:00.000-08:00

Stepping off the quiz line and no not doing the tag thing yet, I just kind of want to write about my wish for our future. That "our" of course I'm talking about Dharma. It's been such a struggle for me, when sending out resumes and not receiving any responses, not to just completely give up on this city and find somewhere else to go.

I actually wrote a poem titled, "10 Things I hate about You" about this city. It actually made me smile a real smile. Something I haven't done in quite a while. Make myself smile. Make myself happy. Dharma's very good at making me smile, but I'm harder on myself. I know most of you understand this.

So my wish is to find happiness again, find my cockiness again. Find me again.
That's my big aspiration.

And the saga continues

2007-01-29T21:52:00.000-08:00

To continue with my testing journey of the other day, here are some more results.

Neither one of these really fit me. I'm glad to hear that I'm a great friend, but some times I really wonder about that.

You Are Iris

You are an interesting blend of fun and wisdom.
You definitely make people think about themselves and their place in the world.
But they'll have fun doing it. You definitely epitomize laughter therapy.
You are a very enriching and entertaining friend!

What Color Purple Are You?

And a shapeshifter? Hmm, that kind of weirds me out. I don't think I'm that malleable. I know that Dharma wouldn't agree with this either.

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.

And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek.

You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships.

It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Feeling a little like Heather

2007-01-28T22:58:00.000-08:00

A while back Heather posted this fun little quiz, so I'm just getting around to posting my results.

I know I owe a tag, but I'm still struggling with what I want y'all to know about me. So LAsr, you're just gonna have to wait.

Here it is, I'm sure y'all are just shocked.

Your Personality Is Like Acid
A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict.
One moment you're in your own little happy universe...
And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Thanks Chris Breen!

2007-01-25T21:29:00.000-08:00

A big thank you publicly goes out to Chris Breen. True to his word, his wife dropped his book, The iPod & iTunes Pocket Guide, in the mail immediately. A big thanks to her too! On the inside cover he wrote, "Uh oh Karen, looks like someone wrote in your book". He than circled his name and said, "that's me"! I love this. A writer that is true to his word and funny all at once. I haven't had a chance to sit and read it all the way through, just skimmed it really, but so far so good. I think I'll head over to Amazon and write a glowing review.

I had planned on attending this year's Macworld expo, but couldn't squeeze it in, what with packing to head home and of course "lotus" pulling crap. Um, who's that you ask? Well lotus is Dharma's trusty little laptop. Well, maybe not so trusty since the damn thing decided to get cranky and not want to play with the battery any more. Then it stopped powering anything. Luckily I was able to pull all the info off of it. This is spurring me to get a dedicated back up unit. Since lotus is barely six months old, I'm also looking into getting something that will do SATA too. I seriously want to just change everything to Mac, but unfortunately there are too many things in this household that are pc ingrained. And I do like messing around building them too.

Pulling two things together, Macworld and building things, I'm hoping to get my sh*t together enough this year to mod out a mac. I want to attend next year's event and go in as a MacModder. I haven't decided on a design, or what I want to use. I have two different iMacs and a G3 iBook to choose from. Any suggestions highly appreciated.

Speaking of surgery/building things, I'm seriously considering ripping apart my iBook G4, the one I sit here typing on, and upgrading the hard drive. I would love to add a dvd writer to this thing, but funds are tight and will have to do that project at a later time. The hard drive is an necessity. I only have a 30 gig in this thing, and from a now defunct serving tray aka Toshiba 17 in. widescreen, an 80 gig, pulled from it and will be placed in this.

So yeah, more projects on the horizon for this year, but first I think I'll go read Chris' book and see if I can Frankenstein my iPod

Transparent

2007-01-24T22:54:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had one of those moments where your entire world turns upside down? This past Monday was that day for me.

With Dharma off to her conference I ready the two kittens, Saana and Marcel for their vet visit, for a spay and a neuter.

9 am with two very disgruntle kittens that haven't had any food since 11:30 p.m the night before, I was able to wrestle both in the big carrier and off we went. The message that I had received the night before was this was a drop off only. Since I didn't make the appointment, there was some confusion. Now my dear readers picture me without caffeine and stumbling into the vets expecting to drop them off and pick them up that afternoon. Since I was getting certificates from the Berkeley Humane Society for their vet visit, I didn't see a need to hang around. Oh but that's where the fun of gouging begins.

A young tech hands me two separate bills, both totaling close to five hundred dollars. My bleary eyes widen in disbelief. As I freak out on the guy, he first tries the, "make me feel guilty by asking in a disparaging tone, that I don't even want to give them pain medication"? Now he was playing in dangerous territory. First he's talking about me being a bad mommy, and two, I've played the upselling game longer than he's been alive. I informed him that my other animals had all been fixed by kind compassionate vets, and I knew that they had included pain medication in their prices. Matter of fact, I was outraged that a veterinarian worth his salt, would even consider not giving pain medication to his patients.

The young man back peddled fast. Yep folks, I may have been without caffeine, but he knew he was up against a master. I was able to talk the bill down to 260.00

3 p.m. I grab the puppyman and head up to get the certificates, After writing a check to the city for 30.00 and them paying $95 and $50 off the bill (yes I was still paying $260, but it was still better than nothing) I called the vet's office to check on the health and welfare of the kittens.

As I was talking to the tech aka Mr. I-wannabe-used-carsalesman, he informs me of Marcel's transformation. Now I had taken my boy kitty in and what I was getting back, was a girl kitty, Nope, no one slipped with the scalpel, and my little guy didn't decide to have trans surgery, his/her last vet and I screwed up and declared her a boy. I now know how a parent of a trans person feels. For the past six months I've been calling him my beautiful little boy. And saying such things as, "you're such a dandy little guy".

Man those pronouns are hard habit to break. Well when ya dress your little one as a boy, and then suddenly realize that you've got to go pick out pink frilly things, it definitely messes with your head.

There's no place like...home?

2007-01-05T22:28:00.000-08:00

Going home. It has a weird sound to it, but I don't know what else to call it. This is home, but I'm still fumbling toward feeling at home here in Berkeley. I make my home with Dharma, but I still hesitate to call this house a home.

Yes it's filled with laughter and love. Tempers and tantrums too, but there are still so many new things. Things we're still working out. We're coming closer to an ease, a dance if you will, some things that take time to become easy.

This house itself is fine for our little family. The space itself is sweet if lacking in certain areas. The location, not so sweet. I've learned to mostly ignore the street sounds, but I do yearn, at times, for wide open spaces and large oak trees. I miss the forests surrounding my old town. I miss the dam. I miss walking barefoot through dew covered grass.

Next Wednesday I'll be able enjoy some of that. To feel my shoulders unfurl. The claustrophobia feeling leaving my body. The joy of driving on a stretch of back roads without seeing a soul, I look forward to it all.

Yes Dorothy, you're right, there is no place like home. But I'll bet I'll be missing this one while I'm visiting the old one.

Thank yous.

2007-01-04T22:23:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to post this for a while now. On Monday, dharma and I went down to our friends Sue and Sarah's to start the New Year off right. Liz and Andrea were there, along with another couple.

We had the customary (well in the midwest it seems), of pork and sauerkraut along with sides of fried chicken and mash potatoes, thanks to kfc. I was reading something the other day of people of the south celebrating with black eyed peas and rice. We called this hopinjohn. I haven't had that since I was a little kid. Guess I lost that part of my southern heritage. I don't ever remember celebrating the New Years that way, but we always celebrated with dad's side of the family, and that definitely isn't the southern part of my family.

After filling our bellies and watching the kids play, I initiated the gift exchange. I couldn't wait for Sue to open her last gift, I was more excited than the kids. Really the kids seemed kind of oblivious to everything. Plus Sarah was being mean and taunting me with my gift, so I had to know what it was. I knew it was going to be great.

After what seemed like hours, but was really only a few minutes of Sue pushing her last gift to the side, I finally pushed it back and she opened it and I in turn demonstrated it.
Yes folks it really is the flying slingshot cow that moos as it flings itself through the air. I've been on the hunt for something silly that Sue would love. It has everything I was searching for. The bonus was, it's a cow and Sue collects cows. The laught factor was a 9.9. It didn't reach a perfect 10.0 because mine took that honor.

A while back I started looking for the elusive tmx elmo for my niece. In desperation, and rock bottom thought on my part, I seriously considered getting her the barbie version. I shared that blond moment with Sue and asked her to be on the look out for me. Yep folks, you guessed it, they got me the...drumroll please

Thank you with a very big grin.

There was also a wonderful dvd of the DaVinci code given to my by Liz and Andrea. Someone reads my blog ::grin::, which I need to update my list and remove both cars and this dvd.

To everyone, thank you all for a lovely way to start off 2007.

Flix - update

2006-12-29T23:34:00.000-08:00

I spent 6.50 today on a video that I didn't get to watch because I forgot about it and then had to run it back to the video store. When the clerk asked me if I would recommend seeing it, I hemmed and hawed around and finally fessed up to not watching it.

"Yes, you little snot nose kid sitting so smuggly behind your little counter, I do too have a life and sometimes it gets in the way of watching movies. Or maybe my ADHD kicked in and I conveniently forgot that I wasn't dealing with N*tflix and now will have to pay the late fee, plus the gas to run it up here".

In reality, I just kind of shrugged my shoulders and pushed past the little kid with 10 videos in his hand standing behind me, with a strange expression on his face. Yes I must be an oddity to that store, but not to N*tflix. They'll welcome me back with open arms, and best of all, no smart ass pimply teenager to mock me when I forget to mail something back in two weeks time.

Cha-Ching!

2006-12-25T23:51:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah baby, this kid is happy! Over the moon, some would say. I received so many nice gifts from Dharma that I'm still reeling from it all.

Tonight we enjoyed three of those gifts. The first was matching popcorn bowls. I had mentioned a while back that I missed having those bowls. So she found some really cute ones. To go with the bowls, popcorn drizzled with chocolate. So very good. Dale and Thomas, I recommend highly.

And to top it all off, the DVD of Cars. I did a happy dance, and then a kabuki dance after we watch the movie munching on popcorn out of our new bowls. I loved this movie. It had everything that I love, cars, the desert and a good moral line to it. Yep I do love moral lines in movies. I don't want to give anything away, so I'll just say trust me on this. After Disney's last two, as I perceive as less than fabulous and didn't live up to the Pixar standard, I wasn't expecting much, but was pleasantly surprised. The shot of the Emeryville closed sign was cute, and a Pixar trademark to add little touches like this in the movie. I will need to see again what other little tasty bits I missed this go around.

My other gifts were as follows. Media reader with usb upgrade card. Dave Matthew new cd. The Mazy Starr one that I asked for. One of the Patricia McConnell books. A cute mug that states what I live, "Life does not exist before caffeine" My girl knows me so well.

Yes, Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus, and he's in guise of my girlfriend.

Christmas 2006

2006-12-24T23:34:00.000-08:00

The season of giving is upon us. Tomorrow is the day when everyone who celebrates Christmas, gives to love ones. Of course we could all blather on about how this holiday has led to such commercialism and the retailers are sharks, yada, yada, yada, but I say (in my most capitalistic voice) let them give us discounts! See how that spirit of giving slips in there~hehe.

My main concern are the presents that I have for my love under the tree. Only one I'm sure of. The rest are on the iffy side. And the presents that are there for me doesn't matter as much as the tree that she got for me. Last year, the Charlie Brown wanna be tree, failed to live up to my expectations, but this year, with multi-colored lights, beautiful ornaments from a good friend and the small bit of ornaments that we had from last year, by jingle that tree rocks!

The other present that my love has given me, is being able to celebrate this day like the big kid that I am. Dharma said earlier that she was getting excited about tomorrow's presents. I'm not sure if she was talking about giving or receiving, I'm sure a bit a both.

Tonight on the way home from the dog park we stopped in at our local fish market and picked up seafood for tomorrows feast. A movie might be on the agenda, or maybe just a day of lounging about making love, or maybe a bit of both, who knows.

I do know one thing though, tomorrow will be a wonderful making tradition.

To all that celebrate, Merry Christmas from Casa de Cedar household.

Flix - net loss or gain?

2006-12-22T01:39:00.000-08:00

I've just created a list (see side bar, where the wish list should be), of DVD's that I haven't seen over the past year. I went to this site to find all the that had been released. What started this journey was an email from netflix saying that they had saved my list for me and I could rejoin for as low as 5.99. Still haven't figured out if I want to try and do that again, or just hit a local video store.

We joined blockbusters, but they have really gone down hill. A cute one, locally owned near us, has some really good stuff and best of all they have a category of Best Picture for every year. I love things like that. I doubt very seriously that blockbuster has Best Picture for 2004.

The drawback to all of this is having to remember to return them. Yes netflix does rule in this area. No late fees and the gas that it takes to return them. So yeah I'm rethinking the netflix thing.

Families N.O.O.S (aka) Not Of Our Selection or...

2006-12-21T01:09:00.000-08:00

choosing.

Being 2500 miles away from family can have it's up and downs. The down part was revealed to me yesterday. My entire family is fighting. Brother and sister-n-law are pissed at my parents. My mom is hurt and my dad is totally clueless. Dad is usually clueless, but this time it's about him.

It started two weeks ago, this past Friday, when mom and dad were watching the baby. The baby being Tmane, The most adorable niece ever, really her name is Leigh, but I've nicknamed her Tmane. I know, I know, get on with it. Anyway Leigh has night terrors, and it doesn't happen that often any more, but the night my parents were babysitting the boogieman decide to rear his ugly head. My dad can't stand if a baby cries. He gets nervous, and I guess he tipped over the edge because she had been crying for a long time. I'm sure a long time in my dad's world constitutes ten minutes in the real world, and his patience wore out and he called my brother asking him where the hell he was.

Piecing together two different stories, another drawback being so far away, that I can't see their faces when the stories get told. But from what I've gleamed from my mom and my brother are as follows:

1. Greg and Julie (SIL) went to a holiday party, which was over at 8:30, but went to get food with friends, because the party only had appetizers and they were hungry.

2. Unbeknown to my mom, at 11:00 pm my father, in his ever stupidity, calls my brother and rants about how late they are.

3. This past Sunday they celebrated my mom's birthday and she said that my brother did say goodbye to her, and that was the only thing he said.

Now my mom made me promise not to call my brother, so I sent an email instead, he called me. I listened to his side and said that he had every right to be pissed at dad, but he was punishing mom also. He agreed.

Tonight my brother called me to basically say that he smoothed things over with mom, and everything was good. I called mom and could hear the relief in her voice.

Yep, 2500 miles away and I still got that peacemaking thang down pat, but it doesn't replace being there when things get tough.

Magically Delicious

2006-12-18T23:58:00.000-08:00

Well I should've seen this coming...ya call a leprechaun a troll munching lucky charms addict and you pay for it. No, I didn't experience any more electronic mishaps, I could barely turn on the tv today, and I'm pretty sure if one of the kittens hadn't stepped on my hand, the power button on the remote wouldn't have pushed all the way in.

Since my strength decided to vacation in Maui without me, I spent the day cruising websites. Of course since my mind has only been fixated on fixing my damn phone, I've spent the day trying to find the cure. With a deep sigh and maybe a sign of defeat, I headed over to fleBay and pursued the used phone area. I still don't understand why one phone would have sixteen bids on it and the exact same phone would have zero. I did all the standard checks of feedback and what this seller was offering compared to the other, and damned if I can figure it out. If someone knows the secret handshake of this, please pass this knowledge on to me.

On a brighter note, there are some phones on there that have what I'm looking for, for a pretty decent price. If they aren't, "bid up" (is that a word?), I may have a nice little replacement phone. I've been looking at the RazrV3i or SLVR L7. I'm leaning toward the L7 just because it's been compared to the triplets sound quality. Yep my V600 is supposedly superior to anything out there sound wise. Is this important to my audiophile ear, you bet your sweet bippy it is, especially if I could revive it and put iTunes on it, I'd be one very happy mp3 listening person. Oh wait, I remember, I just fixed my iPod, never mind.

Back to hunting out a phone with bluetooth capability and maybe some room with some tunes on it, for those times I don't have my pod with me.

Rock, Paper, Scissors

2006-12-17T23:42:00.000-08:00

well I choose rock and paper covered it. If you're not familiar with the game, scissors cuts paper, rock smashes scissors, and paper covers rock. What's all this mean? Well my friend, glad you asked. my V600 has become a rock, a nice little paperweight.

I think I can revive it, but it's going to take a while. It must have been a bad flash is all I can fettered out on hitting the round of forums. So while dharma gets to enjoy her unlocked bluetooth with matching wireless headset, I'm stuck with my tigger sticker cheap ass samsung.

Seems that my luck has been sucked by that little lucky charm munching troll. I'll blame him for having to reprogram the tv remote. The middle section of lights going out on the tree, and my clients computer being persnickety.

Well up early tomorrow and see if I can correct all of this.

Seasoning

2006-12-15T23:36:00.000-08:00

Presents! My love gave me an ornament. It's a coca-c*la with a picture of Santa on it. I love it! The tree she scored off of freecycle is actually really nice and was easy to put together. We have to get hooks for our ornaments, I left those along with a gazillion ornaments with my ex. Dharma asked me tonight why I had done that. I don't really have a good answer. I wish I knew.

Tonight also brought the presence of our friend Heather's partner Min. For the third week in a row, my girl and I have gone out on a Friday night. It's been great. For those that don't know, in my old life Friday nights were filled with friends, laughter and good times. Tonight was reminiscence of those times.

I could get used to this.

Project geeked

2006-12-14T23:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, I just gotta ask, what's with me these days? I've completed another project. My iPod has been on the fritz and I really am missing my tunes, so I decided to delve back into the world of frozen iPods. I go grab Jennie's copy of itunes, ipod tips and tricks and then I do some research on the net and finally figure it out. It doesn't like to be plugged into electric, it only likes my Mac's firewire port. Even trying it out on my pc didn't do anything. So okay, be a snob, can't say that I blame ya, Mac's rock!

Unfortunately my little iBook still only has a 30 gig in it, so my 100 gig worth of songs just ain't gonna fit. I have to use my pc to get my tunes, so I guess I'll charge using my mac, and get my songs from my pc. Not perfect yet, I'm thinking of taking my hdd and throwing it in my firewire enclosure and hooking it to my mac. Or maybe I'll just network them again.

So speaking of all this I got this email tonight, and am about 98% sure it's real. The subject line read, "The power of google"

Hi there,

So I see on this page:

http://adventuresofpuppyman.blogspot.com/2006/12/techno-geek-at-your-service
.html

that Wyatt's Mom wants a copy of Secrets of the iPod and iTunes (6th ed) by,
well, me. I'd love to help but, unfortunately, I haven't started writing the
dratted thing yet.

I have, however, just completed The iPod and iTunes Pocket Guide (2nd ed)
and if that would do, I'd be more than happy to send the mother of Wyatt a
copy for, like, free (autographed too, if you like).

Just send me an address and I'll put one in the mail.

Chris

-----

Christopher Breen
Senior Editor, Macworld magazine, Playlistmag.com
Mac 911 columnist
Host: Macworld Live Podcast, Breen¹s Bungalow
Author of Secrets of the iPod and iTunes, Fifth Edition and the iPod and
iTunes Pocket Guide (Peachpit Press)

I am so friggin psyched! A famous geek contacting little old me with an offer of an autograph copy of his book! OMFG! I about fell on the floor after I realized that this was probably on the up and up. I'm still trying to figure out what to say to him, without sounding like a total dweeb!

On another note; I'll be updating my wishlist, I'll remove his book (and wait for the 6th to come out) and add:

Speakers for my now working iPod

Scratch two more things off my to-do list.

Techno geek at your service

2006-12-13T23:18:00.000-08:00

Success! Yes! A great overwhelming feeling of relief. I was able to unlock both v600s. Unfortunately my battery is not holding a charge, but I ordered one tonight. I was able to pair my bluetooth headset with Dharma's phone. She, of course, doesn't know where hers is, or the car charger, so she has mine. That's okay honey, you'll find it, just like I'll find where your desktop backup is.

Speaking of geek stuff, Jennie reminded me that I didn't put up my wishlist. So here it is, and I'll be putting it on the side with more ( I'm sure ) so Santa, don't think I'm done, 'kay?

Wishlist as follows:

Plusdeck - this is a handy little item for backing up your old cassetts to your mp3 folders.

Media Reader - yes I really do need this

USB card - Needed for media reader and upgrades my computer to 2.0

Samsung DVD writer w/ lightscribe - no explaination needed

Lightscribe media - see above

Leader of the Pack by Patricia B McConnell - good book for Wyatt to read

Other End of the Leash by Patricia B McConnell

Secrets of the iPod and iTunes (6th ed) by Christopher Breen -

Mazzy Star- So tonight I might see - Oldie, but a goody.

Hey! If ya don't ask, you'll never get. Yep, dream to own one of the video iPods, size doesn't matter, well it does, just ask Dharma...

Hacking the ganja phone mon

2006-12-11T22:53:00.000-08:00

I've missed two days. Well to be fair to myself, I only missed one, I wrote, but didn't post it. I guess my gut feeling is that it's not done, or maybe my ADD kicked in.

Yesterday was spent going from cell hack site to phone hack site, who knew there was that much interest or that much you can do to your phone? I haven't read this much since I decided to read war and peace back in my college days. Yep I finished it, nope don't remember much, but I digress. I've been looking for a way to hack my two V600 phones. They're cingul*r branded and I want to "unbrand" them and use them with my current provider.

Our samsungs x495 just aren't the greatest, but it was all we could afford at the time. If I'd been thinking I would have asked to use these, but didn't, and now it's way too late. Since I'm getting more and more business and need to use my cell inside the house (hanging out the upstairs window is just not optimal any more) I decided to move this project to the very top of the list. What really spurred it was my love. She wants a handsfree set and we have bluetooth headgear, but our current phones aren't bluetooth.

So it being Sunday and it was a down day, I spent the whole entire time learning how to make my phone iTunes compatible with 1000 different songs, groovin' wallpaper to change every time the phone rings. To have pictures of my fav 50 show (everyone submit photos for this please) and have my ringtones sync with those photos, so without even looking I know it's my love when Aerosmith screams out of my phone "Taste of India". Yeah I do associate that song with her, among many others, but that will be my first go around. And oh the games.

Yes! The 1000 java app games that I can have at my fingertips. Sudoku, bejewled just to name two addictions. I have no idea if my current mainlining game is too be had, but know this is next on my list to hunt for. And last thing I'll be able to set up is my email and web stuff. OMG! If I wasn't already in love, I'd date this friggin thing! It has looks, style and my brand. Just the way I like my women.

One little thing though, I haven't actually done this yet. The very first thing I have to do is unlock the little suckers. I have the cable, software and instructions. Now I just have to go find my Courage Pin from the Wizard of Oz so I can flash these babies to freedom, or wrong one move and I could be staring at a nice little paperweight.

Wish me luck...here I go.

Saying Hi

2006-12-08T23:41:00.000-08:00

Clearly I'm tired with a title like that, but I just had to post what a really nice evening we had with a friend, whom I finally got to meet irl! I love meeting people that you've had great exchanges with, but have yet to spend any real time with. It's such a pleasure that this great medium has given us. Instead of searching around for topics, we chatted easily. Yes the internet does rule. I'm sure I'll have to pay Al Gore for that last sentence. Yeah checks in the mail bud.

Anyway, we had a meal at Christopher's, first time there and I wasn't really impressed, the food was okay, but nothing to write home about. And then went to Cold St*ne. I still say give me B & R any time. Cold reminds me of Dairy Qu**n on crack. Just not all that thrilled with it.
Next time we'll have to take her some place a little nicer.

Oh and I just have to add that this is the second Friday in a row that the Dharma and I got out. Now that's some news folks!

ADD = Minus... what was my point?

2006-12-07T23:34:00.000-08:00

So I was going to write about Saana, our little wonder kitty. Then I decided I was going to write about shopping on a Thursday, before noon, and all the little old ladies that surrounded me. Then my ADD-self started both of those and haven't finished either one, and they're both funny so I don't want to blow it by just throwing them up and having some lame ass ending on them.

Speaking of ADD...

oh I'm sorry was I saying something? Oh look at the cute puppies...

2006-12-06T23:45:00.000-08:00

Schedules. I had to look it up to know how to spell it. So sad. Yes I'm back to a schedule. In my previous life I was pretty good at setting schedules, not only for myself, but for whole entire stores. In my previous life I got projects done. Since the honeymoon phase of my new life has worn off and my wandering through this life aimlessly, it's time to get my act together and set a routine.

Yuck! I know that it will be better and I also recognize that I will be more productive. Dare I even say, a productive member of society. I know that my love will breath easier if I'm more diligent in cleaning and I'll feel better being able to work in less chaos.

Next task, my office. Speaking of yucky, that room looks like Rosie the robot, from the Jetsons, exploded in my space. I've slowly been working my way through all the things in there, but it's just not moving fast enough. Well it's move to the top of the project list and I'm hoping to see some light at the end of the tunnel soon.

What's this tarot you speak of?

2006-12-05T21:58:00.000-08:00

So our hero has had a rough day, so I'll bag with a quiz.

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

A bleeping blurb

2006-12-04T23:19:00.000-08:00

For those that are easily offended, a Jay -as in Jay and Silent Bob - diatribe is a coming.

To the man with English Setter at Pt. Isabel today. Get off your fucking cell phone and pay the fuck attention to your goddamn dog! You didn't want my dog playing with her the other day, so why in the fuck would I want to be the one responsible for the well being of your fucking dog!!! I tried several times to walk away from you and your pup, but your head was so far up your ass with that goddamn cell that you couldn't be bothered to notice or even fucking care. The next time I will grab your dog and walk her the fuck over to you and punch you in the fucking nuts!!!

{we now return you to our regularly scheduled blogcast}

Tonight I watched the two hour special of The Closer. I know I've said it before, but damn it's good. I love Kyra Sedgwick. Makes me miss the south every single time I watch it. No it's not set in the south, it's set in L.A., but she's portrayed as a misplaced southerner. Yeah I do see myself in some of the things she does in the show, thanks for noticing. Even though she really isn't southerner, I've adopted her as such. She's so damn good at it. I missed Hero's, but I'll catch it on my laptop some time this week.

So ends this evening's blogcast, and to all a goodnight.

Present buying time

2006-12-03T23:33:00.000-08:00

This time of year brings special tv viewing opportunities. Have you noticed all the ads aimed toward the people that have father's like mine. Or in other words, someone difficult to buy presents for.

Those ronco ads at 2 in the morning start to look pretty good on the 20th of December. Yeah you'll pay the 24.95 extra in shipping to overnight that all in one remote that looks like a football and the bonus you get the fuzzy pink slippers that you can give crazy Aunt Jane, whom you've needed that extra present for.

Like I said in an earlier post, my love and I are still getting are groove on concerning the holidays. Last year we purchase one large gift for the house for Christmas, and then we gave each other small Hanukkah gifts, one per day. I'm not sure I'm thrilled with the whole set up. Christmas felt so empty last year without all the hustle and bustle. The first year, being out here I really didn't mind, but last year was hard. We need to come up with something new for Christmas.

So since I'm on Christmas kick right now I think that I'll add my want list to my side bar. I'll be working on that tomorrow. Anyone have any ideas for a jolly Christmas? By the way I happen to be watching Miracle on 34th Street right now that's what started all this thinking.

Blue Light Special Needs Section Alert!

2006-12-02T23:24:00.000-08:00

Going shopping with my love (the Dharma) last night, we're strolling through K-m*rt, yes we actually did go there, anyway I digress. We walk in behind this couple and I realize that this store attracts the same type of people everywhere.

The lady in front of us was wearing a black blazer with, what looked like a child size turquoise colored sweater draped around her neck, 80's style. She also was wearing a short, above the knee skirt with clogs. Not exactly a look I would expect to find in M*cy's, but at this store yes. The topper was the color of the fingernail polish.

This color was hideous. I mean butt ugly- sin against nature-freak-show alert. What I really want to know is who in their right mine comes up with something that looks like it's been puked up, strained through a coffee filter, and mixed with the spit up on the shirt of a new mom. wtf people? I guess though since this woman was wearing it, clearly the color people knew their targeted audience.

Maybe the ad exec was one day changing her infant's dirty diaper, saw the color and the light bulb went off over their head, "Hey, I've been looking for a new line of colors for our Martha Stewart line of nail polish, well here we go"!

So I'm opting for the name of "Martha's Sunday Night Movie - The color of her prison garb". Yeah, I know it's long, but I'm throwing a movie in to keep it going ::grin::

Okay so I'll talk about a movie that I just watched tonight, Adam Sandler's "Click". It was a sweet llittle flick and one of the lines in it spoke by Christopher Walken character sent a warning message and in it he said, "people these days are fast forwarding their life". Well it's not like some fantastic light bulb line, but it does give you pause to think. Okay bad pun, I admit it. Hey it's all I got tonight!

Holiday Happenstance

2006-12-01T23:50:00.000-08:00

December brings thoughts of Christmas, Winter Solstice, and Hanukah. It's been four years since I spent the holidays with my parents and brother. I've never spent a Christmas with my new niece.

Dharma and I are still trying to set our rhythm of celebrating all these holidays. It would be nice to be able to take her to one of my family's shindigs. To introduce her to our new niece. To maybe even introduce her to my crazy Aunt Suzy. Hey every family has one, right?

This is my dream, my want, my desire. Hopefully one day in the near future, it will come true. I just hope it doesn't take another four years for this to happen.

I think I'll go watch Miracle on 34th street, maybe Kris Kringle will opt to give me this instead of a house.

Yep it's a business weeks worth of talking about movies. Good job in noticing!

That was easy...NOT

2006-11-30T22:11:00.000-08:00

Today getting one of cars smogged the guy had an easy button, I really need that button. After three trips to triple A dmv section today (don't ask) and getting insurance on said car, the Subaru is finally street legal. Since the little green lizard didn't come back and tell me that I suck as a driver and they need more of the green stuff, I'm all good. The insurance doesn't officially go into effect until 12:01 - 12-01 est. So with it being nearly 10pm here, I'm figuring I'm all good.

Second round need for that easy button, health insurance search. WTF is hsa and hra? My head hurt from trying to figure out all the different benefit packages. I finally went to a list I'm on and asked people what they did. I've been getting some good response, but not enough details. I'm thinking of becoming an insurance agent just so I can figure out all the games that they play. Yeah I'm feeling like Rudolph, I'm not allowed to join in those games.

Speaking of what I want to be when I grow up. I'm still trying figure out a name for my business, it's come down between Heather's suggestion and Brooklynne's I love both and it's hard. I need to choose by tomorrow, that's the deadline I set. I also need to quickly design my website and business cards. I want to figure out how to promote my business and would love to brainstorm with other women that have been down this road.

So anyone got an extra easy button they like to lend me? I promise to give it right back.

The Blame Game

2006-11-29T23:31:00.000-08:00

Ever have one of those little arguments where you point out something that is taking your sanity for a test drive? Ya know, the kind of thing where you clean a certain area and your love one comes home and litters that bright shiny spot you just spent six hours on? And when you try to hide the disappointment, but can't quite keep the irritation out of your voice as you ask them to please find their stuff a new home, then starts the blame game. Your beloved looks you straight in the eye and says, "Do you know how often I remove your stuff from this area"? Yes I have littered that exact same spot, but that wasn't the point, but by that time flames (picture Madeline Kahn in Young Franstein) are shooting out of your head and you go on the defense. Point missed entirely.

Speaking of blaming, I'm not really sure who is to blame, but I just need to write this down. A really good friend has kicked our friendship to the curb and I'm little bit sad about it. Promises broken. Emails unanswered. Phone calls not returned. The holiday season was suppose to be filled with them, but a new sweetie has changed everything. You know there are certain types of people that you absolutely adore and they are a good friend, single. But once they find that certain someone, they become a distant memory. Sad how some things can change an entire dynamic. Goodbye my friend, you will be missed greatly.

Rotten pup

2006-11-28T22:47:00.000-08:00

aka Puppyman is having issues again. Made my day suck. I was talking to a friend on the phone, lose the call and he comes up out of the water and gets nasty with a buddy of his. He never connects, but he growls and gnashes his teeth. So next step is to ask a dog walker, who right this very minute is learning to be a trainer. She knows Wyatt well and I think would be a good match.

Greg and Janet left today, so no movie tonight. That's okay I watched Veronica Mars. Yep, I know, loo-zz-eer. Hey! I like it. No morals or lessons, just vidiot.

Cleaned my ass off while Dharma met with her client. It was kind of cathartic, unfortunately, not so much for the girlfriend. She had a rough day. Her client is handful, okay, let's call a bitch a bitch and be done with it.

Rounding out my day of cleaning, comforting, raging (Puppyman and the bitch) doling out medication. I am now settling down for a long winters night. Psych. Okay so it's not snowing here, yet, but damn is it cold. I think I'll go find my woobie...

Life Lesson from a Silent friend

2006-11-27T23:49:00.000-08:00

Life lessons from a movie. Yep another movie tonight. I love having Greg and Janet here. Tonight we watched Chasing Amy, if you haven't seen it there's a spoiler a coming so stop reading now and go rent it!

There is a scene in the movie where Holden (Ben Affleck) is not able to deal with Allysa's (Joey Adams) past. Allysa has had multiple partners at the same time and Holden has led a pretty sheltered life. And so my hero, and I assume yours, Kevin Smith aka Silent Bob, tells the story of Chasing Amy. In it he explains that the reason he lost his love, Amy, was because he felt inadequate to her life experiences and that it had nothing what so ever to do with her. Because of his feelings of inadequacies, he basically kicked her to the curb.

It's funny how certain points of a movie can speak to you. That scene is still as powerful as the first time I saw it. It still has the message for me as when I first saw it. Everyone has a past. You are not part of that past. The way you move on from stuff their past, and yours, is to create a past for you and your partner. Yeah, sucky sentence, but you know what I'm trying to say.

With my current (and forever) partner this can be challenging. We both have a lot of baggage from years of not being together and still so brand new into this relationship, that things like past lovers can come between us at the oddest times. We had an incident this past summer that still leaves me feeling like Silent Bob. Inadequate when faced with a past I can't compete with, especially when my dark demon whispers that I'm not that person, that I can't perform like that person. And then I freakin' remember that she left that person a long time ago and is with me.

Thanks Silent Bob for that reminder.

Good Times

2006-11-26T23:38:00.000-08:00

Just finished watching Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back. No this isn't another movie review, this is a post about being a twelve year old boy enjoying a very strange movie.
Nah.

Really I wanted to talk about my day. It started out with a trip to Legendary Palace for some Dim Sum with our friends, Greg & Janet. We really wanted Ruth (Piccolo's mom) to meet them, and enjoy Dim Sum so what better way than have her come here, drop off Pic and head down to the restaurant and were met by Sarah and Isaiah. Wonderful food and great conversation all around.

After that we picked up the dogs and headed to Albany Bulb. The very first time we saw all the wonderful art we both said we had to show Greg & Janet. Haven't I spoke about what great artist they are? Well peruse their websites, here's Janet
and then hit Greg's.

After clicking on their links then go and enjoy more art or a movie or something. Enjoy your good times.

Movie Review

2006-11-25T11:29:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting here watching Dogma, one of Kevin Smith's best films in my humble opinion. An all star cast, great lines and best of all Salma Hayek in a pole grabbing scene. Man she's got a great ass. If you doubt the existence of god, just take a look at her. Almost perfection. The only ass better is Dharma's.

Clerks... classic, but next up is Chasing Amy. It's been a long time since I've seen it I actually loved the ending. Not many people that I knew at the time did. That's when my love affair with Kevin Smith's movies began.

The ending to Dogma is priceless. I remember the first time I saw Alanis Morisette walk through the church doors and I loved it. The movie refrences, and the love for John Hughes movies just adds to Kevin Smith's charm.

Good movie, if you haven't seen it go rent it, if you have, rent it again.

Change is good?

2006-11-24T11:24:00.000-08:00

When you feel like the whole world wants to change you, you start to take a second look at yourself.

They say the time of self discovery is in your twenties, but what about your mid life crisis time? Is this why marriages fail? The old ways not stacking up for you any more? I personally think that self discovery comes after hitting both of these milestones, well for me anyway.

My current partner points things out that to anyone else would seem like something good to change, but to me the saying, "old habits die hard" works for me.

What else works for me, is not exposing myself. And no I'm not talking the trench coat variation here, I'm speaking of exposing my soul. If too many people know too much about you, you can lose a piece of yourself. That has worked well for my family for many, many generations. You don't tell the secrets, or air your dirty laundry in public view. First of all it's just thought of as gouache, second it's just not something you do in polite society.

The dharma feels that if you talk about things, oh let's give an example of four year olds committing suicide, than that little ones death won't bother one so much. For me, it takes me back to a place and time I'd rather leave buried. Along with that broken little body is a piece of my heart, soul and mind buried deep in a cold little grave somewhere. And for the nightmares that come when I talk about it, I'd like to go back and bury those too.

Changing some things could cost me my sanity.

Dawn's a calling and I'm avoiding

2006-11-23T23:30:00.000-08:00

Very Sleepy. Too much tom turkey, but damn it was good! And the drive home was fast, but not furious. And facing me as I walk through the door are ads mocking me. Begging me to get up at 5 am. Um...I'm thinking I'm not getting up that early, no matter how good the deals.

There are two presents that I do want to pick up for my parents and my brother. Really great deals tomorrow, but do I really need to get up at the butt crack of dawn?

A deal on some software that I would like to have for my business. A 2gb jump drive for my girlfriends computer, no I'm not spilling secrets here, it's not a present, it's something that she really needs. Well I guess it could fall into the need category of presents, but I'm thinking that like the husband that gave his wife the vacuum cleaner when she was expecting diamonds...balloon + lead = > you get the picture.

There is also the usb media card reader that would be handy for both of us. The amount of pictures that's taken around here would fill many albums if all got printed, thank g*d for digital, but it's a pain to try and get it on our computers these days and that little cf reader is looking pretty darn sweet for $14 bucks.

Hmm, Marcel just sneezed again and he's starting to wheeze, clavamox is in order and we're out. So some of that black friday money is going toward that. And if he and Saana are going to keep passing this nasty little cold back and forth, a lot of clavamox and a vet visit is in order.

So goodbye butt crack of dawn, hello wonderful sleep. See how that all worked out?

Steal the Deal

2006-11-22T22:57:00.000-08:00

I've been perusing the forums that have deals, especially black friday deals. Every store is throwing out late deals. Amazon is reportedly having the xbox tomorrow for an unheard of price of $100 bucks. They only have 1000 and I'm sure they'll be gone in mere seconds. Unlike B&M (brick and mortar) stores, online stores are fighting those fights (as in fist) over some great deals.

Speaking of fist fights, years ago when I was a manager for a national retail chain, we had two little old ladies duke it out. No lie. The one with the cane won. They were fighting over a computer package. Rooted to the floor, I stood there with my mouth open. I was torn between laughter and horror.

So I'm trying to decide if I want to venture out on Friday. I've talked the girlfriend into going, so we shall see have we feel after stuffing ourselves at Sue and Sarah's. On the other hand, I do have visions of those two other little old ladies, and I'm thinking of taking my umbrella.

Weirdness abounds

2006-11-21T20:04:00.000-08:00

No I did not miss a day. I just forgot to post it. Could've sworn that I had published it, but nope, there it is in my drafts folder. Which is weird because I never use draft, I always write in my little text edit program and then copy and paste it to my blog.

So speaking of weird things. I have had an overwhelming response to my ad. Don't know if it's in the stars or what. Well Ruth says it is, and I'll bow to her knowledge.
Have already repaired a laptop for a great woman by the name of Maria, who just picked it up and found out that she blogs also. Now I understand the need for the rush job. This is her only computer, she had to have it, she needs to blog people, something that I understand all too well. It's cool too, you should check it out.

I've just cancelled Netfl*x for the third time. I know it's only 10 bucks people, but jeez, give it a rest already! I always forget about the damn dvd and then I stumble upon it weeks later and go oh yeah, I should send that back, which I do and then get another one, and totally forget about that one.

I prefer to own my movies. Weird I know, but I do. I love movies, which got cut in half by the divorce and I just haven't had the moola to replace all of them. Every once in a while I'll go to get one and then remember my ex has custody and I get all pissy.

Another thing that I left were all the music cds. We had four large binders of 300 each filled, and a fifth with holiday music and soundtracks, stuff that didn't really fit anywhere. I thought I'd be nice because I had ripped almost all of them. Read, *almost* I still go to play a certain Indigo Girls' cd and forget that it happened to be one that I didn't rip. Oh well. One day. I still need to replace my Nickelback and Dave Matthews cd that got scratched. Those two are first in line. Yep, you're right, I didn't make back ups of them, should have, what was I thinking.

Done rambling down the long road of weirdness.

Kitten with Uzis

2006-11-20T18:34:00.000-08:00

aka kitten wars. I spoke briefly about this, but here and now I'm devoting an entire post to it.
Well really I'm cheating and putting up pics. Decisions needed on which one to submit. You can only submit one per kitten that you have, this is hard, when your g/f is a freaking photographer. I've been able to narrow it down to these. Feast your eyes people, and get your mouth ready for those oohs and aaws that are bound to explode from your lips.

What's in a name?

2006-11-19T16:31:00.000-08:00

Heather has given me more ideas about growing my business.
I'm going to solicit irl friends, list friends and blog friends, to help me come up with names.

So what do people think of the name Technogeek or Technogeekgrrl?
Or maybe someone else has a better idea.

I'll get back to you on what I choose.

We're Number One!

2006-11-18T22:06:00.000-08:00

And the crowd is on it's feet roaring it's approval

42-39 Final score Ohio State Buckeyes beat University of Michigan.
It was a great nail biter. Back and forth, but we pulled it out in the end. Well I can't really say that it was back and forth, Michigan only led once the whole entire time and it was when they scored the very first drive. But every time they came close to taking over, OSU would score, and put a good distance between them.

Quarterback Troy will be the Heisman winner and probably be drafted by the 49ers (because they suck so bad this year they'll get first choice).

Now I'm just waiting for next week, and the great games that will be played.

[edited in] To all my Cal buddies...I am so sorry. Cal put on a great show and should have won. Here's hoping for next year!

Growing in the right direction

2006-11-17T22:36:00.000-08:00

Even though I'm still sending out resumes and getting either rejections, or crickets loudly chirping in my inbox, I'm pushing my side business forward. The hardest part of all is coming up with a name. Since I haven't been doing this formally or anything, I haven't needed this. Now I'm looking for names that says that I'm good, honest, dependable and will work on any apple or pc.

Next up figuring out a business card that says all this and of course the web name. I'm lucky that I have a g/f that is very good in this area. I might even have her photo my cool case and use it for web design. Additionally I have to do a better CL ad. Can't beat free. Then I'll start looking into buying space in the computer rags out here.

Mostly my business, up to now has been through word of mouth, I just need more talking me up. Another list that I'm on I can advertise through. I just don't know all the rules. Good thing I'm friends with the list wrangler, I'm sure she can fill me in ;)

I also need to look into a business license and loans or grants. We have a friend that does help small business, well I think small non profits, but I think I can pick her brain in this area.

So after a horrible day yesterday, and a kick in the pants, the kick has me going in the right direction.

void

2006-11-16T22:41:00.000-08:00

Gone. My mind, my soul. You reach a point of breaking, think you can't take any more and there's that knock on your brain that reminds you, there is still more to come...

I don't believe in suicide of the body, but the heart is a different matter. Cut out the part that feels and you can still breath. Still exist. Still move. Moving to keep your mind from thinking, remembering.

I have a playlist entitled depressing, believe it or not it helps.
I think I better go listen to it now.

Blessing Count

2006-11-15T23:01:00.000-08:00

Coming home from a get together at Jennie's, I got to thinking how lucky I am. It's not usual to find a wonderful family of choice, not once, but twice in your lifetime. We're loud and boisterous bunch. New comers either adapt or sit back and be over run.

My first FCO cared deeply for one another also, unfortunately my ex got custody of them. Me moving 2500 miles away also didn't help. I wish I could say that I have been able to stay in contact, but for one reason or another, that just isn't the case right now. I haven't given up, I hope to one day reconcile with them.

My newest group, or FOC, is a lot like the last. Lots of laughter. Lots of talking over one another. Three or four conversations going on at once. I love it. I love them.

So before the mush starts I'll stop here.

Passing Reflections

2006-11-14T20:40:00.000-08:00

It's hard getting to this age and have your parents friends dropping like flies.
My mom's best friend just lost his wife of 40 years, boom - heart attack, just like that she was gone.

Tonight coming back from some restaurant, my dad got a call on his cell from another good friend informing him that one of their friends was at that very moment on the operating table having a quadruple bypass, outlook not so good. This same friend who was fighting cancer this time last year.

And of course, the three strike rule, my great uncle Paul, is not doing so well either. Yeah, I know, Eighty something you kinda expect it, but hey, he is the last one left on that side, that generation. A whole entire generation will be gone with his passing.
So weird. I just read that last line back to myself, and felt like I'd been kicked.

So I'll close with some cuteness from the newest generation. I'm talking about Tmane (The most adorable niece ever). She makes me smile every time I look at her. I give you Leigh Noelle.

2006-11-13T20:53:00.000-08:00

Since I feel that placing test scores is really not writing...
I took another one

I'm Bart, who are you? by NoHomers.net

TNG Character

2006-11-13T15:58:00.000-08:00

This test courtesy of my g/f Dharma. I think it's pretty funny that she got Deanna Troi and I got Will Riker. Didn't they have a thing? Anyway, here's mine:

Your results:
You are Will Riker

Will Riker		75%
James T. Kirk (Captain)		75%
Beverly Crusher		65%
Geordi LaForge		65%
Chekov		60%
Jean-Luc Picard		60%
Uhura		55%
Leonard McCoy (Bones)		55%
Deanna Troi		50%
Spock		49%
Worf		45%
Mr. Scott		45%
Mr. Sulu		40%
Data		38%
An Expendable Character (Redshirt)		35%

At times you are self-centered
but you have many friends.
You love many women, but the right
woman could get you to settle down.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test

[Heather just updated me on the fact that they got married...Um interesting]

Priceless Day

2006-11-12T23:24:00.000-08:00

I haven't talked about the boy lately, so I thought I'd do an update. First off he's beautiful, in my unbiased opinion. He still has his cranky days, but don't we all. He never ceases to amaze me. Take today for an example.

We drove down to San Jose, to visit friends and we took Wyatt with us. Our friends, Sue & Sarah own a beautiful old 1800's victorian. She's a grand dame that's showing her age around the edges. I also took my tools to retouch some of her wrinkles.

As I work the flashing on the basement door, I catch a weird leaping out of the corner of my eye, proceeded by a growl and sharp bark. He is leaping at the little feet running around up above his head. Sue and Sarah's little one, Isaiah, was either chasing Callie, their dachshund, or Callie and Isaiah were having races. Either way, it was driving the boy nuts! Laughing, I call him to me, and try to explain the best way I can. The look that crosses his face was akin of someone learning that the biggest prank had just been played on him. He hangs his head and slinks back outside.

Later, inside the house, Isaiah and Wyatt are playing together pretty well. Isaiah would pick up the toy and "trow" it, and then tell "I-ett" to go get it. The cuteness of it could make a good hallmark commercial, or better yet, a Mastercard commercial.

Adorable outfit toddler's wearing - $60...
OSU colored dog collar - $20...
Multi colored stuffed dog bone - $15...
29 month old toddler smiles, and 21 month old puppy smiles...priceless.

Good times my friends, good times.

Back to Area 51

2006-11-11T18:26:00.000-08:00

So I started working on my Toshiba Satellite Pro P35 17 in. widescreen with a P4 3.2 and 512mb (which I need to bump to 2gb). I keep getting this error, PXE-61 & PXE-MOF. Looking around on discussion boards, what it boils down to is that I'm fucked.

No not really, but I've read so many different things that it could be and what I'm thinking is that it just doesn't like the hard drive. Now I did take the hard drive out, and back it up, so Dharma wouldn't lose any info. I then tried formatting it for the G4, using the usb 2.5 enclosure, but the iBook didn't like it. Macs are notorious for dealing only with firewire enclosures. And the only one I have holds 3.5, not 2.5. I think I have an adapter somewhere, in that hell hole, that I call an office, but where it is no one actually knows.

The toshiba, well this particular line over heats and just shuts down. Eventually it's going to end up frying the motherboard, so I'm looking for a case to put it in. I'm thinking of going with my coca-cola theme and going with something like this . I want to put the screen in the bottom of the cooler lid and the guts underneath, trying to keep it as authentic as possible. Taking pictures along the way and maybe entering in the pc mod contest.

Right now I think I'm going to pull the hard drive and put it in my iBook G4. Move the 30 gig to the older iBook g4, which is for Dharma's work. The hard drive in that is only a 10gig, and I think it's starting to fail, so needing to do something fast. That's going to be some project in itself. These iBooks were built using the schematics that they used for Fort Knox. WTF people! It's a stinking notebook, make that shit so the average tech person, like myself, friggin' easier to get to! Even changing the memory means pulling the keyboard and wifi card, on these things. What were you thinking Apple?

I'm also back to working on a friend's laptop (Hi Brooklynne) but it's just being a little pill right now. Her screen hasn't worked in a long time, but I think I found the problem. The hard drive has had a soft repair done to it, but it may just up and die down the road. I know she and her partner would probably be better off getting a desktop, and I'm looking around for some good deals.

So now that all eyes have glazed over, I will wrap this up. Thanks for staying with me so far, you may all return to your regular broadcast of knitting blogs.

A job? Maybe even dare I say, Career?

2006-11-10T16:11:00.000-08:00

In a recent post, I alluded to the fact that I had dragged my butt into the city on Wednesday. What I left out was, I went in to see about a job. A job that could take my pay back to a level of comfort that I am familiar with. A job that would allow Dharma to resume school full time, without having to work, if she wanted. A job that would cover all of our health stuff, very nicely.

This job would fulfill my adrenalin need, and give us a little bit of security. I spoke with the manager and got really great feedback on the place. They do however, do an extensive background check. Hope I pass! Even if I get through some of the phases, I could be ousted at any time.

The very last hurdle being a psych exam. Or what we used to call The Mary Poppin's test. Ya know, the kind of test where they ask the same question four different ways to see if you can answer truthfully on all of them. I've taken a couple of those and graded several in my previous job. The one thing that differs on this one compared to others, is it's *four* freakin' hours long! I'm mean really people, by that time my brain is gonna be mush, and I'll be ready for a rest at the local sanatorium.

Keep your fingers, and every little bit of stuff you can think of, crossed. I'm trying not to put all my eggs in one basket, but I am allowing a little bit of excitement to creep in.

Wish me luck!

Promises...and forever

2006-11-09T17:40:00.000-08:00

So easily made, so easily it can be broken.
How do you promise the love of your life that you will try and always be there for her?

You can't promise life forever, you can only promise for as long as we have together. if we are lucky enough to have life in the here after, hopefully you can find one another again. Maybe even a bit earlier than in this life.

How do you make the commitment to always try and love her? To always try and be there, as much as one can be for another.

We both have tried the commitments, and for one reason or another, we weren't successful. Is this a good enough reason not to try again?

How to convince? That she is the love of your life, that you would give up all to have her. That you would uproot your life to keep her. Anything, everything.

How do you say, grab my hand and hold on for as long as we are both healthy for one another?

How do you promise forever?

Dragging

2006-11-08T21:29:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to come up with something and my Chatty Cathy vibe has left the building.
Oh dear gawd, why did I say I would do this? Oh, okay. I'll drag my sorry ass to the keyboard and see what flows.

Speaking of dragging my sorry ass somewhere, I went into the city today on bart. Bay Area Rapid Transit system for those that don't know. I call my sweetie, you know her as Dharma, and ask her to look up the return times for me. Two blocks up from the station and she informs me that there is one in about four minutes.

I make it with time to spare. Well, not really, but the door didn't take a bite out of my ass as I pulled it on. I'm sure the little old lady that I shoved out of the way was pissed, but hey! I'm used to NYC subway system. It's dog eat dog world lady, "Learn that"! You'd think by now and at her advanced age she get that.

Oh sure, sure. Take her side. You're probably picturing some sweet little keebler elf looking grandma with that very soft white hair, and a little angelic smile to go with it. And your probably picturing her pulling one of those little collapsable carts that is filled with all kinds of stuffed animals for the local children's hospital. You're sure she volunteers there, and maybe she was heading to those sweet little kids that desperately need one of those angora bunnies to cuddle.

Oh for crap sake stop it! She was old! I didn't get a good look at her. And I doubt very seriously that those bunnies were pure angora.

Voting Day

2006-11-07T11:10:00.000-08:00

Today's the day that everyone should get out and vote. I am ashamed to admit that I have not registered here to vote.

While Dharma sits here on the couch studying every issue, making sure that she's well informed, I sit here quietly kicking myself. This is the first election that I have missed since I was 18.

Funny story of how I was registered. Coming home from school, on the day of my birthday, I spy my Aunt Kay's car in the driveway. It was unusual to see any family member before a weekend birthday bash, but there she was, at my house, with a big smile on her face, and a beautiful little box in her hand.

With all the pomp and circumstance fit for a princess, she's hands me that box. Tiny in size, with a beautifully done miniature bow on top. I unwrap with extreme care. Which for me, is a bit unusual. I can unwrap a Harley Size gift box in 2.2 seconds.

"Jewelry". I think to myself, "Gotta be", as my trembling fingers lift the lid. "A card laying on top of the cotton. Hmm, must of slipped underneath the cotton, Nope, nothing there. The card has to be a gift certificate to the Jeweler's." Then I read the card. On it is my name, my birth date, and that I'm registered Republican.

OMG! Republican! Crap! Just look at her standing there beaming at me. I can't start that family war all over again, yep me against my entire family. Well isn't this just dandy! Being raised by my southern mother, you just didn't slam a gift. Manners above all else.

Smiling and a big hug, I thank her. My most beloved Aunt, whom I have lovingly argued with about politics, from the day I could speak, challenging one another. In my family, it was know the issues, or go home crying. I honed my skills of the debate at the knee of my Aunt.

Being the most beloved niece (okay, the only niece, but still) of the Director for the Board of Elections, put me in a tight spot. Back then there was no internet to go and easily change your political party. And I just happened to be known to all that worked for her. No I would have to secretly get the form, fill it out, and mail it back.

I had a friend do it. Chicken of me, I know, but above all else, I wouldn't hurt her, or worse, make her a laughing stock of her friends. Yes at 18, I really did think I had that kind of power.

It's been sixteen years since my A. Kay passed, but I can still picture her smile and hear her robust laugh, clear as day. Worst of all, I can see the disappointment in her eyes. Those eyes could speak volumes. And right now those eyes are telling me that I screwed up, to give up my right to vote, is almost akin to a sin.

Projects Galore!

2006-11-06T11:41:00.000-08:00

Where do I start? I'll start with the computer projects. Have I talked about this before? Well if I have, you'll just have to put up with me bemoaning the fact that I've done very little in this area. An area I like to call, Area 51.

Why, you ask? Well for one, it's top secret, even from me. I could tell myself, but then I'd have to commit Hari Kari and that just takes too much energy and a Samurai sword. Neither one I have at the moment. Two, it's like Alien Nation (anyone remember that great show?) It's here on earth, but living it's own life. My computer projects do too have a life of their own, it's my shit and I can put any human emotions that I want on them!

The biggest, scariest one of all, is my upright centipede game console. I need to clean it up and decide if I want to make it authentic, by placing the board in it. Or make it a mame (and no I ain't talking about someone's Auntie) gaming console. Or make it a really cool PC case. Decisions, decisions.

If I go with number one, I have to buy the original game controls to place back in it. Some idiot took the original centipede stuff out, painted over the side art and turned it into a boxing game. UGH! After I got this from a dealer in PA, for $50 bucks, I purchased the bezel and guts for it. I have no idea if the board even works. Got it off of fleeBay several years ago, and never tested it. (I know, I know, idiot!)

I could still clean it up, get an all around gaming console and make it a mame case. I have over 20 mames, I think. Don't know what a mame is and too lazy...um I mean too captivated by my writing to click on the link. Well mame stands for Multiple Arcade Machine Emulator. Meaning you can have centipede and Ms. Pacman in one pc or upright Arcade Machine, like mine. [over there, to the left, buried behind boxes, and ladders, and bears...Oh My!]

Or I could get really industrious and do all three. Maybe I will. Or maybe I'll just let it get sucked back into Area 51, while I go make myself a tuna fish sandwich.

Oh Crap! More decisions...

Last one for the day...

2006-11-05T18:19:00.000-08:00

Last one and then I'll be all caught up. I think I'm out of topics. Nah! I've always got stuff to gab about.

Let's see, let's talk about kittens. I don't know how much I've updated, or how much y'all remember, but we did add two additions to our household. Saana and Marcel.

Saana is a feisty little girl stripper kitty. She has a beautiful mountain lion look to her.

Marcel is a sweet little white um, boy (?) with a smidge of orange on the top of the head, and lovely orange and white stripes circling the tail. The reason that I add the question mark, is because I thought he was a boy, but he's not developing balls. Yes he is white, yes his little bottom is extended due to a lengthy illness, but damn it, I'm supposed to be able to tell. Me who has probably identified more genitalia on small animals than anyone I know. Hell I was better than my vet back home.

So it's kinda of strange, I kind of feel like a parent of a transgender child. Everything I've associate male wise with this little one is gone *poof* thin air, I tell ya. Yes s/he still looks at me adoringly. Yes s/he still purrs loudly when I enter a room. Yes s/he still wrestles the same with Saana. And yes, s/he still walks like a dandy.

I guess the only down side to him being a her, will be the cost of a spay, not a neuter. And Atty will be the only boy cat we have.

On a slightly different topic. Well not really, I've discovered through a friend of mine (well really a list I'm on, but she is a friend that submitted it) There's this place called kittenwars.

No it isn't a bunch of kittens with uzi's. It's the cutest kitten photo contest. I'm slowly going through all my different photos of the kittens and picking the best ones to submit. Obviously I'll be calling you to help stuff the ballot box.

Yes! Done! I did it! Man is my brain fried...

OSU = #1 and November 18th

2006-11-05T13:58:00.000-08:00

Is it Saturday already? (Whew I'm tired!) If it's Saturday, then it must be college football day.

One of my biggest gripes about living on the West Coast is, 1. games start at the butt crack of dawn and 2. The west coast only shows crappy west coast teams. Nothing like "real football teams" ya know, the ones that the Pros look at. Okay so Stanford did produce John Elway, that still doesn't make me want to watch those kind of games. If I wanted to watch those kind of games I'd watch High School Football.

And the worst, number three.

3. I don't get to see my beloved Buckeyes play. Especially this year! Why is this year special you ask? Well I tell you my friend, OSU (Ohio State University) is #1 in the Big Ten, they are averaging 17 points a game. Some teams haven't even shown up to play. Meaning that they haven't scored at all, while OSU have done some major damage. Scores that would make most basketball teams happy, have been showing up. 41-0. That my friend is a basketball score, and one I'm mighty proud of.

Nov 18th has been the chant around here, besides "We're number one chant"! The Dharma has been doing quite well with both of these chants. Only a slight roll of the eyes when the opportunity arises and I get to yell out one of those, and she gives a little sigh and says, "yes dear", as only a good girlfriend who puts up with her partner's peccadilloes, could.

What? What's that you say? What's so special about November 18th? OMDearG! That's when OSU takes on U of M (University of Michigan, for those that forgot) The biggest rival in the Big Ten. This year OSU host the Wolverines. I will be watching it. Nothing short of an earthquake will get me to move out of the house on that day, even a small one won't get me to move.

And this week I will be contacting a Dish service provider and getting that special deal so that I can watch the big game. I may even move my 19in flat screen downstairs to watch it on. Hell better picture than the current crappy 19in curved sdtv that resides in our living room.

So to all, don't feel slighted if I ignore you during that time of game play, I'll be busy being in heaven.

This is a Friday? Not a Monday?

2006-11-05T12:56:00.000-08:00

If I had been truly following the writing contest, this would be my Friday post. A week has passed since that horrible Friday, I just need to touch on it briefly, then let it go.

1. My 1996 Chevy 2-door blazer-lovingly referred to as Purple Beast. Went to the Auto Docs. After $180 bucks, we were told that, "yep, there's somethin' wrong with her, and nope, we don't know what". Grrr! We need to know something. Driving her has become kinda scary. She stalls, whenever she damn well feels like it. Now I know in her advanced age, it could be she's just tired, or it could be the crappy gas she's been getting due to high gas prices, but to be told that they couldn't figure it out until she just ups and dies, pisses me off.

2. I was turned down for a job a complete idiot could do. I haven't told this to Dharma( yes I know we live together, but hey I can't be responsible to always have to remember to tell her the juicy stuff). I was way over qualified. They felt that my sales style didn't fit theirs. This was the official reason I was given for not getting a job even Homer Simpson could excel at. Whatever.

3. And the last thing, the hardest thing, we put Elliott down. My sweet boy. The boy that I gave to Dharma, who wound up being mine. I can't do the justice that Dharma did, but you can read about it here.

Thanks for stopping by Elliott. Your Mamas miss you.

Sense[less] owners

2006-11-05T11:53:00.000-08:00

This is really just a small rant, but for those of you that take your pups to the dog park, if you do this alone, do you take your iPod, or a book to read?

Scary mind time. I saw an ad this morning that offered these clunky big elephant ear headphones, for free, after buying a little iPod type device. That got me to thinking about the white earbuds that Apple gives with it lines of white iPods and that lead me to the thought of the lady who was walking her dog at the dog park, and I tried to make a comment to her. At first I thought she didn't understand english, but then I noticed the white tell tale lines leading to her ears. Whew! Scary, I know, but hey it proves that I'm not schizophrenic ::grin::

So really my question is, how do you keep an eye on your dog if one of your senses is blocked? There is also a lady that reads as she walks, WTF? Your dog may not cause any problems, but there are other dogs there that could. Doesn't happen often, but really people, it only takes one time for your dog to be seriously injured. That's just not a risk I'm willing to take.

[pseudo Nov. 2 entry]

Up for the challenge

2006-11-05T11:03:00.000-08:00

Well the Dharma has signed up for this write once a day challenge (National Blog Posting Month) through the month of November. It's to promote National Novel Writing month. I obviously missed the deadline to start "officially", but I have decided to try my hand, and accept the challenge myself. I promise not to write a novel.

I count this as November 1st, and only have five post to catch up, and then try and do one a day. Wish me luck.

[I love to challenge myself]

The trouble with 12 yr olds

2006-10-27T09:19:00.000-07:00

I have a twelve year old boy living inside of me. Now before y'all jump to conclusions, let me set clear, for the record, so to speak. One, no I do not want to be a boy full time. Two, no I did not eat a twelve year old boy and believe he still talks to me. And this leads me to three. I do not hear his voice, or any "voice" so to speak, well okay, maybe I do hear his voice. He speaks to me, and I guess it's a lot. He tends to get me into trouble quite a bit. Take for example, last night.

Dharma and I were sitting on the couch watching "Ugly Betty". Previews for next week shows Salma Hayek. OMG! Schwing!!! She is so freaking hot, and that's when the twelve year old started to speak. Well speak is relative, it was more like a Homer Simpson moment concerning donuts. I do think drool did start at the corner of my mouth, but before any got dropped to my chin...

"Schwap" across the thigh, and Dharma starts to rant. Hey! She didn't pick the name of her blog willy, nilly. "Ya know, (said with a femme tone that makes all tombois cringe) some times it is not endearing when you go all stupid for someone on tv. I'm paraphrasing here, I really don't remember exactly what was said after "Ya know", because my twelve year old was screaming in my head, "Shit! We're done for man, and I don't know how to get out of this"! Now y'all know that boys are often very loud when cornered. They take on that wounded animal sound, and it becomes very shrill. Between the panic in his voice and the disgust in hers, I couldn't think rationally.

So I didn't respond, well I kinda did, but not in my grown up way, I back peddled like any 12 yr old is apt to do, and apologized, well I'm pretty sure I apologized, the ranting did stop, so I'm assuming that I said sorry or some such thing to get her to calm down.

And for him, well let's just say that we had a long talk about when it's appropriate for him to get a boner for someone, to drool for someone, to hoot and holler like any good construction worker, and that he just can't do any of that when the girlfriend is around.

So I'm feeling pretty good about our talk, because everyone knows that twelve year old boys are very rational when it comes to their hormones. Right? I said, Right?
I'm not going to be getting into any kind of trouble due to him. Right? So the next time a hot babe walks in front of me, I'm positive that he'll keep his cool...

HEY! Do I hear snickering?

Filler

2006-10-18T10:29:00.000-07:00

Something cheesy to put up since I haven't been able to write. Gosh I hate writer's block. Enjoy

What Your Underwear Says About You

You enjoy wearing nice underwear, even if it comes at a hefty price tag.

You're comfortable in your own skin - and don't care to impress anyone.

The Underwear Oracle

Elliot

2006-10-03T12:38:00.000-07:00

I think the gods are playing a mean trick on me. Elliot, our sweet, sweet tuxedo boy, is very sick. A week before we left for NYC, He developed a belly. When we got back, his belly had expanded, making him look pregnant. He's also lost weight and his beautiful silky coat has become dull and as Dharma said, "kinda greasy" to the touch.

The reason for the trick you see is because I fell head over heels in love with the little guy. I resisted him, when we first took him in. He was a shy and retiring little kitten, and I liked my cats to have some moxie behind 'em. I chose Atticus because of this, but as much as I wanted Atty to be my boy kitten, he so much more a "mamma's boy", well Dharma's boy and Elliot, whom Dharma pined for, became my guy. Snuggling with me all the time.

So the fates are laughing at me now, for the outcome looks bleak for my little guy. Time has never dragged like this. I want 3:30 to roll around so we'll know for sure. Well maybe I can let time drag on a little longer and live in my fantasy of all is well.

These are a few of my depressing things...

2006-09-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

It's been ages and ages since my last update. I'm sure most of you have stopped reading, expecting me to update no more. Well, surprise! I'm back, and I've decided to mention some of the most depressing things for me right now. I know, I know, most of you are thinking, "I've stopped by to read this shit"? Well no one is holding a gun to yer head, so move along Buckey if ya can't take it.

Number one on my top ten hit parade is my shoulder. Some say it's rotator cuff damage, others think it's soft tissue damage to my shoulder (don't freaking ask me what the difference would be) The only thing I know for sure is that it hurts. It's better than it was, but still nothing close to being healed. So in essence I can't play Hockey!

Next up would be the constant fighting and bickering that has plagued our household since the injury. I'm not blaming it soly on the shoulder, but I'm beginning to see a correlation. I have little patience these days, and really don't suffer any fools lightly. Gotta say that this trip was very stressful. More so than the last, and that's where the girlfriend gave me a new middle name of "fucking" (and not in the good playful way of it being said).

Oh yes she did folks. But this trip, well...let's just say that on our last trip I met her mother, and that didn't go so well, and this trip I would be living with her mother for a few days. Gotta tell ya that was nerve racking. The girlfriend thinks it went smashingly well. I've decided to adopt that fantasy as well.

So now we've hit the major one. The coup de grais, so to speak, and that's when the girlfriend tells me the other night that she experienced her first hot flash. I saw lights flashing before my eyes with that bit of news, along with the fact that I have fully accepted the fact that I will never be a mother. Well accepted is a relative term. Maybe a better way of putting it is, accepting defeat. I don't do it that often, but when I do admit defeat in something, a piece of me dies, so I say in this blog, goodbye ideals and ideal "isms" of motherhood.

Another sad goodbye will be to my beloved moms list. Too hard to be on there these days, Don't want or need the pity of, "real moms". So I'll pack it up and silently slip away. (Side note)
I wrote this last night on the plane, and this morning I unsubscribed.

So if you've read this far, I'm sure by now you're wishing for that gun just to stop my whining words echoing in your head, like a bad case of earworm. Can't say that I blame ya. I don't believe or even like guns, but right now, I'd go for one of those "stupid guns" that John Candy always talked about. Ya know the ones that when shot with one, you wake up a few minutes later fully realizing just how stupid you've been.

Yep folks, I do know how stupid my life has been up to this point. Full of stupid mistakes, and me whining about them. So hopefully this will be my last whiney post for a while.

It did make me feel a little better to get some of this out of my system, so thanks for listening and good night...

Giving it a try

2006-08-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

So I gave it a try last night. I fell and got back up and tried all over again. What? You don't remember what I wrote about on July 14? What do you mean you're not following my life, breath by breath moments? I'm just shocked! And if you really are following that closely, I'm calling the cops, getting a restraining order, and emailing your picture to Stalker's Anonymous.

Okay for the rest of you, I went and gave Hockey a try. It was aptly named, "Give Hockey a Try", and boy did I. I think I smiled the whole time, well except when I was falling on my ass and struggling to get back up, but I did come up smiling! I didn't get it, the fun of it I mean. I mean sure, I'm semi athletic, and have played softball since before the car was invented, (okay, not really that old, but feel that old today), but I didn't get the addictive(ness) of it until last night.

Sure I heard and read Liz, Andrea and Jennie talk about it with excitement in their voices. Yeah on some level I could relate and equaling it to winning a softball game, but last night (without the pressure of do or die winning in softball) for me, it was like pitching a shut out, in a championship game, and bringing home the trophy. Okay, maybe that's a little over the top, but you get my drift. I liked it.

Did I skate like a nimrod? (could go forwards, but not backwards at all). Yes. Could I stop on a dime? No. Did I have a total blast going after that little black puck, that seemed to get smaller as I tried to get my stick around it? YES!

So if you haven't guessed by now, I'm going to be playing Hockey this fall, and I'm kinda looking forward to it.